Sunday, May 27, 2007

Memorial Day

So, its Memorial Day weekend...everyone i know is out and about doing things...I am kinda stuck in Bangor...i had an offer for somene to come get me, but i felt to guilty to take them up on the offer, so i just been hanging out on my friends didnt even show up last night, didnt even call to tell me they werent coming...go figure...oh well, more important is what this coming day means....

So ive known quite a few men who have been in the Army...My great grandfather Plews died in WWII...I came from his blood and never got to meet him...He died defending our Freedom...Ive known so many to fight for what we have today, and still know a here is the list as i can remember...My dad served in the Military around the time that i was born...i have 3 uncles that have fought in Desert grandfather Carlson served in the Korean War...My sister in laws ex boyfriend was in iraq...and My Heart will be there again as of December...i knowi am missing some, andi am sorry if i am...not intentional...On this day of days instead of feeling sorry for yourself for what you dont have, be thankful for what these and others have given you...Put your troubles aside for a day, and say thank you to someone who has served, or is serving now...

Thank you Nick for putting yourself out there to keep my family safe...That means the world to me...And i am so proud to call myself your girlfriend, and to have the chance to love a man like you..THANK YOU...

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

Thank you Erin

Thank you Erin!!!! woohoo she helped me figure it out!

yay for warm weather

i am so loving this weather!!!! today its hot, but not humid...reminds me of New this weekend is gonna kind of suck, but at least i will get some stuff done on my house....of course i always say that, but it never really happens....this time maybe it will be different....gas prices are so high, im kinda stuck in bangor for the weekend anyway...i hear its gonna the boys have fun on there camping trip with daddy....he better not bring back all there clothes, i would so kick his ass!! ok not really he is bigger then i will be 30....omg, 30, where has teh time twins start more babies...although i did have a dream again the other night that i had a baby girl....i want a lil girl so bad...ah monsters keep me busy for now....i finally get to get out of this damn house and work this summer!!!!well hopefully if i can find someone i trust enough to watch my boys every other kind of funny about that, but they are mine and i can be...i dont just trust anyone even if they are anyway....though i would write a lil...ok, now im done....cya.....Tara

ps...ERIN..HELP..LOL.. how the heck do i put pictures on this damn thing?????

Monday, May 21, 2007

patiently waiting

i sit here waiting for the next kiss
i cant help but think about the next time your arms are around me.
what i live for right now is hearing that phone ring, knowing it will be your voice on the other end telling me it will be ok.
there will come a day that you walk off that plane and never have to walk away again
untill that day comes, i am patiently waiting
Tara Starbuck 5/21/07

Can you tell by the title im just frustrated today? Somedays are like that...they pass pretty quickly, but not before i write about them and drag my friends into my bad is just one of those days i just want to bury my head in the sand and call in reinforcements...problem is, i dont have any...All except the money i am doing this alone...Some days its just too much to handle on my own...Sometimes its all i can do not to cry all day...There is so much that needs to be finished on this house, and i just dont have the energy to do it...I always use to look at these single mothers, and wonder how the heck they did it...Now i know that some days you just dont...yeah, im not single, but i am alone...For the most part i dont mind being alone, but when it comes down to it, it gets old after a while....of course, even when i was married i was still alone...raising these kids on my own...So there really is no difference...and i am soooo nervous about being away from my boys for half the summer...How do i handle that? I am gonna try to get a job, but i am not sure what i will do on the weeks thati have them...Ihad a babysitter all lined up, but now thats not gonna work, so i have to try to figure out something else...he has his mommy to fall back on during the weeks he has the kids, but i am stuck...I am worrying about this way too soon , but i still worry...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

34 days!

Ok, so 34 more days and i get to see my soldier boy...some days it feels like its been forever, other days it seems to have gone by so fast...I sure cant wait till his time in the Army is over...I miss him so much...It still amazes me to this day that i get a 2nd chance at all this...didnt really figure i deserved it...But here i am...I am getting this 2nd chance at love...And I love him with everything that i am...He is my best friend...My rock...The day he comes home for good will be one of the happiest days of my life...We have come a long way in the last year...Hell I have come a long way in the last year...I figured out how to open myself back up...I have learned that shutting down, and not shutting people out helps...i have a habit of withdrawing from life when things get tough,and this time i am not...Nick has something to do with that...He believes in me...Some day he will be mine all mine, and the army cant have him anymore!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

hi its me!

well this is my first real attempt at blogging! I will have to thank Erin for getting me hooked! Im Tara, at this moment in time i am 29, but will be 30 on June 11th...its a very scary prospect, turning 30...i joke about it alot, but i am a little freaked about it...for the most part getting older is no big deal to me...but alot of changes have taken place the last year and a half, and i look back and wonder what the heck i have done the last 30 years...seems everything ive done so far is for others...never really for myself...i am slowly trying to change that...Deciding not to take the husband back when he tried come back into this family was the first thing i did for myself...That was probably the best decision i ever made...he is a decent person, but was not really a family man...and my family is everything to me...i have 4 boys...beautiful boys...being a mommy is my proudest accomplishment...2nd proudest i think has to be building a successful business...Yup, i did that! i worked my butt off for 10 years to help build someone elses dream...i hope he appreciates it one day...cant tell im a little bitter can you? well, im not mad anymore, how can i be mad at the man when it has lead me to where i am in life right now, and right now im loving life...i have friends again, i get out once in a while...ive reconnected with alot of past friends that i thought were lost for good...

So, there are alot of people dont agree with the way i am living my life these days...its really too bad for happy, i have higher morals then most i know, my kids are happy and healthy, and whats so wrong with making the earth my church? does that make me evil? I am sorry you think that...the things you do in this life will come back to you 3 times over, so live a balanced life...Appreciate what you have, and stop looking for the things you dont...i have a problem with people who are never happy with what they have...Life passes you by while you are wishing for so many other things...i dont need alot of material things to be long as my children are taken care of, i am good...There are alot of things i would like to have, but i dont obsess over what i dont have...its not worth it,and it decreases your quality of life...why would you want to live always wishing for more...Life is good, enjoy it while you have the chance...

Thanks for taking the time to read, i will start doing this more often...