Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Happy Lughnasadh, or for some Lammas

Ancient celebration
Lughnasadh was one of the four main festivals of the medieval Irish calendar: Imbolc at the beginning of February, Beltane on the first of May, Lughnasadh in August and Samhain in November. The early Celtic calendar was based on the lunar, solar, and vegetative cycles, so the actual calendar date in ancient times may have varied. Lughnasadh marked the beginning of the harvest season, the ripening of first fruits, and was traditionally a time of community gatherings, market festivals, horse races and reunions with distant family and friends. Among the Irish it was a favored time for handfastings - trial marriages that would generally last a year and a day, with the option of ending the contract before the new year, or later formalizing it as a more permanent marriage.[1][2][3]
In Celtic mythology, the Lughnasadh festival is said to have been begun by the god Lugh, as a funeral feast and games commemorating his foster-mother, Tailtiu, who died of exhaustion after clearing the plains of Ireland for agriculture. The first location of the Áenach Tailteann was at the site of modern Teltown, located between Navan and Kells. Historically, the Áenach Tailteann gathering was a time for contests of strength and skill, and a favored time for contracting marriages and winter lodgings. A peace was declared at the festival, and religious celebrations were also held. A similar Lughnasadh festival was held at Carmun (whose exact location is under dispute). Carmun is also believed to have been a goddess of the Celts, perhaps one with a similar story as Tailtiu.[3][4]
A festival corresponding to Lughnasadh may have been observed by the Gauls at least up to the first century; on the Coligny calendar, the eighth day of the first half of the month Edrinios, corresponding to the first of August{{{author}}}, {{{title}}}, [[{{{publisher}}}]], [[{{{date}}}]]., is marked with the inscription TIOCOBREXTIO that identifies other major feasts. The same date was later adopted for the meeting of all the representatives of Gaul at the Condate Altar in Gallo-Roman times. During the reign of Augustus Caesar the Romans instituted a celebration on August 1 to the genius of the emperor in Lyon, a place believed to have also been named for the Celtic god Lugh.

Modern day celebration
On mainland Europe and in Ireland many people continue to celebrate the holiday with bonfires and dancing. The Christian church has established the ritual of blessing the fields on this day. In the Irish diaspora, survivals of the Lá Lúnasa festivities are often seen by some families still choosing August as the traditional time for family reunions and parties, though due to modern work schedules these events have sometimes been moved to adjacent secular holidays, such as the Fourth of July in the United States.[1][3]
On 1 August, the national holiday of Switzerland, it is traditional to celebrate with bonfires. This practice may trace back to the Lughnasadh celebrations of the Helvetii, Celtic people of the Iron Age who lived in what is now Switzerland.
In Northern Italy, e.g. in Canzo, Lughnasadh traditions are still incorporated into modern 1 August festivities.

In Old Irish, the name of the festival has at various points in time been written Lughnasa, Lughnasad or Lughnassadh.
In Modern Irish (Gaeilge), the name for the month of August is Lúnasa, with the festival itself being called Lá Lúnasa.
In Modern Scottish Gaelic (Gàidhlig), the name for the festival is Lùnastal.
In Welsh (Cymraeg), Calan Awst.
In Gaulish, the festival may have been called something like *Lugunassatis (the asterisk indicates this is a reconstructed form).

Lughnasadh is observed by Neopagans in various forms, and by a variety of names. As forms of Neopaganism can be quite different and have very different origins, these representations can vary considerably despite the shared name. Some celebrate in a manner as close as possible to how the Ancient Celts and Living Celtic cultures have maintained the traditions, while others observe the holiday with rituals culled from numerous other unrelated sources, Celtic culture being only one of the sources used.[5][6][7]

Celtic Reconstructionism
Like other Reconstructionist traditions, Celtic Reconstructionists place emphasis on historical accuracy, and base their celebrations and rituals on traditional lore from the living Celtic cultures, as well as research into the older beliefs of the polytheistic Celts. Celtic Reconstructionist Pagans tend to celebrate Lughnasadh at the time of first fruits, or on the full moon that falls closest to this time. In the Northeastern United States, this is often the time of the blueberry harvest, while in the Pacific Northwest the blackberries are often the festival fruit.[1][8]
In Celtic Reconstructionism (CR), Lá Lúnasa is seen as a time to give thanks to the spirits and deities for the beginning of the harvest season, and to propitiate them with offerings and prayers to not harm the still-ripening crops. The god Lugh is honored by many at this time, as he is a deity of storms and lightning, especially the storms of late summer. However, gentle rain on the day of the festival is seen as his presence and his bestowing of blessings. Many CRs also honor the goddess Tailitu on this day, and may seek to keep the Cailleachan ("Storm Hags") from damaging the crops, much in the way appeals are made to Lugh.[1][8][9][10]

In Wicca, Lughnasadh is one of the eight sabbats or solar festivals in the Wiccan Wheel of the Year. It is the first of the three autumn harvest festivals, the other two being Mabon and Samhain. One telling of the story commemorates the sacrifice and death of the Wiccan Corn God; in its cycle of death, nurturing the people, and rebirth, the corn is considered an aspect of their Sun God. Some Neopagans mark the holiday by baking a figure of the god in bread, and then symbolically sacrificing and eating it. These celebrations are not based on Celtic culture, despite using the Celtic name for the sabbat.[11][7]
Some Wiccans and other Neopagans also use the name Lammas for the sabbat, taken from the Anglo-Saxon and Christian holiday which occurs at about the same time. As the name (from the Anglo-Saxon hlafmæsse "loaf-mass", "loaves festival") implies, it is an agrarian-based festival and feast of thanksgiving for grain and bread, which symbolizes the first fruits of the harvest. Wiccan and other eclectic Neopagan rituals may incorporate elements from either festival.[11]

Popular culture
There is a play by Brian Friel entitled Dancing at Lughnasa which has also been made into a 1998 movie.
The Dutch band Omnia have a song entitled "Lughnasadh" on their latest album.
The traditional Irish folk music group, Lúnasa, is named after the festival.
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i think i should run !

so, ok, the last year has been hell on my family...just hell....just within the last couple of weeks, we had a lot ofthings happen...i think i should just stop answering my moms phone calls..lol..so that i cant hear the bad news anymore...

good news before the bad...my great aunt Kay is alright...she went home from the hospital yesterday...turns out she had cellulitis, or something like that...she had a virus that was killing her fast...its the 2nd time she has had it...but she is ok now...

so here is what i found out today...my grandma Jan had broken her arm a few weeks ago, she had her 2nd surgery on it yesterday because one of the pins was not setting right...she is out of the hospital already

moving on...my grandma connie fell and broke her leg on friday night, she already had a broken arm, and bedsores from being bedridden...she will be moved to some sort of rehabilitation clinic this afternoon...she has had nothing but health problems for a couple of years now...

moving on again, my grandfather (connies husband), totalled the car on Sunday...he is fine, but now they have no car...these grandparents actually live in Florida but do there summers up here...so they are in Michigan far away from home with no vehicle and with injuries...it was his mother that died a couple of weeks ago...

i seriously think i should run and hide, so that this family thing dosnt hit me too..lol...ah well, so some good news....

my mom and grandma jan sign papers on there house today...omg you should see this house, it is soooo beautiful...i admit, whew am i jelous, i couldnt imagine living in a house as beautiful as this...but ah well, i am so very happy for them..oh, and they are staying in Michigan, not moving to Arizona as originally planned...thank the goddess for that....I need them....if they had moved out of state, i basically would have been here alone...so that is a little bit of a load off my mind...

so, getting the application to do this daycare thing is proving to be a pain in the ass,,,,they dont send them out anymore, you have to print them offline....arg...eh, at least i am taking the steps to be more independant...i cant wait for that...

Nick and i are doing well...i miss him, he misses me....I just think of it as every day that passes is one day closer to him being home for good...They are working on getting things ready for deployment, so he has been busy, and we havent talked as much as either of us would like, but its ok, i dont feel the way i use to about it...i use to panic, and now i dont...

hope every one is having a great week....Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Monday, July 30, 2007

love technology

This is me trying out the blog thing on my PDA! Gotta love technology ! takes way to much time to do it this way...

Everything in its own time

So, i know that they say "everything worth having comes in its own time, and is worth waiting for", but damned if im tired of waiting...I want so badly to be free of the past, and i am tired of waiting for it...The papers for my divorce still have not been filed, and i dont get enough money to file them myself...i very rarely have anything left over at the end of the month, and when i do, it goes for the kids stuff...It is a very frustrating situation...He has been gone for a year and a half now, and its time to let it go...i let go along time ago, I dont understand why he keeps holding on...he has not lived with us for a year and a half, we have both moved on emotionally, hell we cant even stand each other anymore, and still, i am tied to him...I am soooo ready to be free of it...

Anyway, after having been turned down for work because of my obligation to be here for my children, and after a lecture from my mom, i have decided to continue on with opening my daycare back up...i did daycare about 8 years ago, and was gonna start it back up last year, but because of the house not being finished, i was not able to...the back room leaks so i cannot finish it...i will be working on coming up with a solution to that, and seems how i know nothing about doing my own roof, i will have to rely on others to help me with it...but once that is done, i think i can make decent money doing daycare...its scary to start something new like that, but no employer i talked to so far wants to hire a person who can only work till 2:30pm...I have to be there for my boys, this is Bangor, and not alot of options for work or daycare are here...I refuse to put them with someone i dont trust, its why i have been home all along, well besides the cost of putting 4 kids in daycare would take any check i had anyway...

so anyway, im tired of people standing in my way...if you dont want to be a positive part of my life, leave...The boys and I are fine without you...I can, and will stand on my own 2 feet...

Friday, July 27, 2007

why my family all of the sudden?

It seems my family keeps taking punches in the last year...people keep dying on us...last night was a close call for my Aunt Kay...Yesterday she was fine, then all of the sudden she wasnt...she was spending time with my grandma, and the next thing they know she is sick...so sick that she got lost on the way home...later that night, they found her laying on the floor...they called 911, got her to the hospital, and the doctor said that if they hadnt brought her in last night she would have been dead by morning...she was chilled, her blood pressure shot up, and i dont know what else...a close call that is for sure...they almost didnt take her in...i am so glad they did...i dont think my family could take another death so soon without someone going insane...My grandma lost her mom and oldest son last year within a month of each other, i cant imagine her losing her sister so soon after...I know i just recently asked for some positive energy and prayers, but i am asking again...We just need a break from death...it is becoming overwhelming...

This last week has been soooo long...the first week Nick was gone, i did ok, but this week has been horrible...ive been so depressed that i can hardly stand it...im physically and emotionally exhuasted...I need to do something to get my mind off everything...i just need a break from reality...what i wouldnt give for a weekend alone in a hotel with a pool and spa...pamper myself a little, spend some time just for me...probably sounds selfish, but i need to get away from this house for a weekend..

anyway enough depressing thoughts...Today is my niece Whispers birthday...Happy Birthday Whisper...you kids are all growing up so fast...

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


So, i have had alot of strange dreams lately..ones that really just dont make sense...its like a bunch of different things all pieced together...my dreams have been like that for about 2 weeks now...they are very real...ive had dreams like this before, and they are usually the ones that are telling me the future....a couple of nights ago, i had a dream that seemed to clump a bunch of things that dont make sense together...part of one i know was of my insecurities with relationships, and i know that..i didnt let that part bother me too much, it was just really strange...but in the middle of the dream i was driving down a highway, following nick in a car, he was showing me how to get someplace, and the next thing i know, i am passing a really old cemetary, and i decide to pull off the highway to go into this cemetary..i seen a name on the stone, but once i woke i couldnt remember the name on it...when i left for my drive that day it was warm and sunny, but when i got to where i had to go, we got a snow storm...it was just really weird...some of my dreams involve people i havent had in my life in years....some of them over 10 years...these dreams are making for some very restless nights...last night i had a really vivid dream also...but it was only bits and pieces like that last one...my mom and i were all dressed up walking around some apartment complex, but we were trying to get away from someone...or avoid someone, not sure...i can remember thinking i should have worn different pants..lol..i know strange huh? oh and in the dream i was about 50 pounds lighter...but it was such a real dream that i believe it will be..just not sure when, or why...
about 2 months before my great grandma died i had a dream of her funeral, but i couldnt see who was in the casket...then the day of the funeral was the same as my dream, and my dream came back to me that day...ive had dreams like this since i was little...i can just never figure them out, and i am pretty sure my mom thinks i am nuts..lol...
i just wish i knew why all of the sudden these dreams are coming so rapidly...

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The best we can be

this article came to me in a daily email i recieve..thought i would share it...

July 25, 2007
The Best We Can Be
Honoring Our Children
Everything we do and say in the presence of our children makes an impression on them. We may think we can get away with swearing or gossiping in front of them when they can’t talk, but we have forgotten that just because they can’t talk doesn’t mean they don’t hear. They are sensitive sponges absorbing their environment in ways we will never know. Even if the words don’t make sense to them, they make an impression, as does the energy behind the words. We honor our children when we acknowledge that they are fully present from the very beginning and when we offer ourselves to them in ways that model the best of what humans can be.

When we bring a child into the world, a great welling up of love and hope fills our hearts. We unequivocally want the very best for our children, and we want to be the best parents a child could ever want. We begin to see ourselves and our lives in a different light, and things that seemed okay before we had a child suddenly reveal themselves as problematical. This can lead to a somewhat mincing review of our habits of speech, thought and feeling, our relationships, and our physical habits. We may feel that we have put ourselves under a microscope, which can be stressful. However, it can also lead to a great healing of our own unresolved issues and, in turn, it enables us to be good parents to our children. Talking to other conscious parents about this life transformation can be very helpful.

Our desire to become the best we can be is often strongest at the very beginning of a child’s life and sometimes loses its intensity as we grow accustomed to their presence. However, it is never too late to look at ourselves and notice whether we are offering our best to our children. That original welling up of love and hope can inspire us throughout our lives to be the best we can be.

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Monday, July 23, 2007

Last week

Last week was so long...it always seems to be longest just after Nick goes back to Hawaii...i kept myself so busy that i am exausted today...i can barely move...my whole body aches...the last 2 weeks have just been very long...The boys are being very good today...usually when they come home from a week at daddies house they are rotten, but this time is different...they must have had a good week...so last week i took everything out of the laundry room and sorted through it...omg, i had a whole dumpster full of stuff just from that room...today i am doing my room, and i might start tackling the kitchen...once summer is over, my house should be in order so that when i go back to work in the fall, and the boys go back to school everything will be nice and organized...i cant stand chaos in my house, drives me nuts...no matter what it always seems like i have too much stuff...ive gotten rid of so much, but we still seem crammed into this house...makes me very frustrated sometimes...but oh well, today im not feeling well, and i dont feel much like worrying about it....
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I am missing Nick very much...the boys are too....
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Sunday, July 22, 2007

just because

just some thoughts...lol..ok, so i was bored

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Friday, July 20, 2007

Happy Birthday Michael

happy birthday to my oldest monster...He turns 9 today...feels like only a couple of years ago i was still changing his diaper...He has come so far, and i am so proud of my little man...his smile just brightens up my days...Mommy loves you Michael, and even though i cant be with you today, i want you to know you are on my mind and i miss you...

I dont get to spend the day with him, his daddy does...i hope his daddy appreciates this day as much as i do...

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Sunday, July 15, 2007


Nick is on his way back to Hawaii right at this moment in time...in fact he is somewhere between michigan and Minesota i think...i said goodbye to him at the airport at about 5:30 this morning and I already miss him so damn much...I only have to say goodbye to him one more time, then he will be home for good...i cant wait for that...I hate having to say goodbye...especially with so far in between seeing each other...We had such a great time over the last 3 weeks...We went swimming a bunch, had some quiet time, spent lots of time with family....It was awesome...On Friday night we went out to Monaco Bay...that place is my new favorite bar! it was the best show...The performers did a very good job...very entertaining...It was actually our first date...lol, it just took us a while to have our first date...i had alot of fun, and so did he...
This has been such a long week...First my grandma bein sick, then her death and funeral, then having to say goodbye to my soldier boy for the next 4 months...I am so exhausted i think i could sleep for a couple of days straight...well enough for now, gotta get back to the boys...i will write more later...

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Monday, July 9, 2007

more great grandma

Thank you to everyone that sent energy and prayers for my family...my great grandmother Carlson passed away last night...just as my dream told me she would...kinda creepy...the family is dealing well with it...i think mostly because we knew it was happening...but you always hold out hope that they will get better no matter what shape they are in...the next couple of days are gonna be rough...very rough...not only am i attending the viewing and the funeral, but there will be family there that i see very rarely...she was well medicated so she felt barely, or no pain at all...for that i am very thankful...the full affect of it hasnt hit me yet...but i have a couple days to go..so we will see....

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Prayer of Passage
Oh GoddessThere is great sadnessA cherished one has gone
Emptyness engulfs meLoss languishes withinHelp me bear this grief
Accompany their spiritComfort we who grieveLet us rejoice in their life
May their essence be recordedIn the Great Book of ShadowsRenew our rememberance with joy

Sunday, July 8, 2007

my great grandma

so, two weeks ago i got a call from my mom telling me that my grandma had fallen and that she was in the hospital...a couple of days after that they found out she has liver faliure and only has 2-4 weeks left...she is in a nursing home now...she was able to talk to people up till wednesday of this week, then on that day she stopped eating and talking...i was up there yesterday, and sat with her for a bit...i did well with keeping myself together, because my mom was there, and i didnt want to upset her by losing it...but today, i stopped in there with nick, and i couldnt keep it up like that...there were too many people there, and i couldnt deal with it...i sat for a minute with her...rubbed her forehead, and gave her a kiss and told her i loved her and had to leave...i kept my cool till i got out of the nursing home, then i couldnt do it anymore...i can remember wheni was little, my great grandma would babysit me after school...and all the holidays that were spent with her...i just cant believe in a matter of days she will no longer be here...how do you deal with that?i lost 3 people i was close to last year, and now this...

so anyway, last night, my great grandma came to me in my dreams and told me she loved me...she looked so healthy, like she did when i was little...a couple of weeks ago i had a dream that she would die on the 8th of july...well today is the 8th and there are only 2 hours to go...i felt at peace after last nights dream, but also very sad...its like i was saying good bye...when i went to see her today, i half expected to see her sitting up and healthy...it broke my heart to walk into the room and see her the way she was...when only a couple hours before that, i seen her so healthy in my dream...it was so sad, i know that she knew i was there, but you couldnt see her acknowledging it...

she is the base of our family...she is the only reason the whole family still got together every year...i fear that once she is gone i wont see them anymore...it shouldnt bother me because they dont make an effort to see me anyway, but it does...the pillar of our family will no longer be here....anyone who reads this please send some healing energy to my family to help them get through it...prayers too please...i have a feeling this is gonna be like going through a huge storm for my family...our pillar is crumbling, and all i can do is watch...i feel helpless...i love you great grandma, i want your passage to the other side to be peaceful....