Sunday, July 8, 2007

my great grandma

so, two weeks ago i got a call from my mom telling me that my grandma had fallen and that she was in the hospital...a couple of days after that they found out she has liver faliure and only has 2-4 weeks left...she is in a nursing home now...she was able to talk to people up till wednesday of this week, then on that day she stopped eating and talking...i was up there yesterday, and sat with her for a bit...i did well with keeping myself together, because my mom was there, and i didnt want to upset her by losing it...but today, i stopped in there with nick, and i couldnt keep it up like that...there were too many people there, and i couldnt deal with it...i sat for a minute with her...rubbed her forehead, and gave her a kiss and told her i loved her and had to leave...i kept my cool till i got out of the nursing home, then i couldnt do it anymore...i can remember wheni was little, my great grandma would babysit me after school...and all the holidays that were spent with her...i just cant believe in a matter of days she will no longer be here...how do you deal with that?i lost 3 people i was close to last year, and now this...

so anyway, last night, my great grandma came to me in my dreams and told me she loved me...she looked so healthy, like she did when i was little...a couple of weeks ago i had a dream that she would die on the 8th of july...well today is the 8th and there are only 2 hours to go...i felt at peace after last nights dream, but also very sad...its like i was saying good bye...when i went to see her today, i half expected to see her sitting up and healthy...it broke my heart to walk into the room and see her the way she was...when only a couple hours before that, i seen her so healthy in my dream...it was so sad, i know that she knew i was there, but you couldnt see her acknowledging it...

she is the base of our family...she is the only reason the whole family still got together every year...i fear that once she is gone i wont see them anymore...it shouldnt bother me because they dont make an effort to see me anyway, but it does...the pillar of our family will no longer be here....anyone who reads this please send some healing energy to my family to help them get through it...prayers too please...i have a feeling this is gonna be like going through a huge storm for my family...our pillar is crumbling, and all i can do is watch...i feel helpless...i love you great grandma, i want your passage to the other side to be peaceful....

1 comment:

EStump said...

Oh, hugs sweetie. Please accept my good thoughts and prayers. Losing someone you love and respect deeply, is just not easy.

I am glad Nick is w/ you though...somehow I find that to be a blessing.

You'll be in my thoughts...sending comforting energy your way....