Monday, August 6, 2007

a mixing bowl of stuff

So I feel like turned the luck to my side over night...Or, i just decided i was tired of waiting for life to happen for me...I finally opened my own checking account on Friday...I know, for most of you its no big deal, and its something you have had since you could remember, but for me, it was a very liberating moment...a simple one, but a step, the first step in owning up to my independance...ive not had my own personal checking account since i was 20...thats 10 years for those who dont know me well...i let someone else have all the control over that...this was my way to start taking back my life...So there i was on Thursday night rolling coins from my coin jar for 4 freakin hours, but it was worth it...so very worth it...I got my account started, and i feel great...next step, getting those divorce papers filed, and starting up my daycare...

OMG, i thought i would treat myself to going to a friends party on Saturday night...i thought hey, i never let loose anymore, it was time for a real party...so i went to one...what a mistake that was...damn the drama...i just wanted 1 night to forget about things, and not act my age...i ended up getting backhanded (on accident), and it tore up the inside of my cheek as it got smashed against my teeth...thank the gods it wasnt a fist...now, this girl has never been hit in the face before, so after it happened i was ina total state of "what the fuck"...lol...yep, im a naughty girl, i said the "F" word...I didnt stick around too long after that, because i think if i had, i would have ended up in a fight, and well...i dont do that shit either...All the drama of this party (none of which had anything to do with me) turned into a huge fight, and someone trying to drive away very intoxicated...I had one beer at 7pm, and that was it...pop and tea the rest of the night...its a good thing i didnt drink, because i think i would have gone off on someone...So needless to say, i dont think i will be headed in that direction for another party any time soon...I will stick to being the boring mom, with NO damn drama...WE ARENT TEENAGERS ANYMORE PEOPLE, GET A GRIP, AND GROW THE HELL UP! i love you guys, but i cant do that anymore...

Well supposedly my ex is suppose to be bringing me the divorce papers on Wednesday to finish filling out...we are trying to do all this crap without lawyers...honestly i just want it done so that i can move on with my life...its been long enough, and i just need something to feel final...Sometimes i dont even care what i lose, with the exception of my boys, as long as it gets done...im tired of feeling like my life is stuck in limbo...i need it to move foreward...i felt trapped for far to long, and i dont intend to feel that way much longer...

My man has been so patient with this...he has held on, and not doubted me too much in this process...i am so thankful for that...the fact that he has the strength to hold on, and love me even through all of this just makes me love him even more...Please know,i want this done so bad...in fact some days it just tears me up to know that im still stuck, and that i havent had the balls to stick up to that man...well i am now...im tired of being walked all over dammit....i dont care what he threatens anymore, im not scared...not anymore...

oh, hehe, i got a call from my mom today asking about a name i had online...lol...it was "milf_4_him"...she said do you know what that means?..i told her it was just a joke and a name i picked so someone couldnt find me, but somehow i just dont think she believed me...lol, she also looked me up on myspace...i dont use the milf name anymore, but it was funny at the time...it served its purpose, and milf_4_him was laid to rest...anyway, i have my myspace set to private so that a certain someone cant get into and leave me nasty messages anymore...so if anyone wants to see it, they are more then welcome to message me, and if i deem your worthy i will add you...lol, im not doing anything wrong by having it, nick knows all about it, even has the password if he finds it necassary to look into things...but as far as i know, there is no reason to..lol...its all good, nothing bad in there..hehe....ok, well maybe a few naked pictures of some lesbians...KIDDING PEOPLE! anyway, enough for now, i feel like i could keep typing all night tonight...im just a bundle of energy ...night everyone, or should i say morning, because it is past midnight here...


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

1 comment:

Erin & Dan said...

your mom is funny. rofl.