Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween 2007 and other stuff

the kids had a great time! the twins werent feeling really well, but they got throug it..denny went with us so that i wasnt alone trying to take care of everyone..thought that was nice...here are some pictures






I also took some really pretty pictures of the fall colors today...



in all it was a beautiful day..we really enjoyed it...
well, nick gets in on Sunday! i cant wait...only a couple more days and i get to see him..yay!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

stuff

This week went by so slow! Denny took the kids to Kellogg on Thursday, and they brought home a ton of candy! way too much...not sure yet what im gonna do with it all...Halloween isnt even here yet, and they are overloaded...they still have the class parties, and trick or treating...I hope this week flies by...i want sunday to get here fast...

Steven is sick again...he was just sick and finally getting over it, and now he has a fever again...people dont seem to have enough sense to keep there kids home when they are sick, so kids whose immune systems suck end up sick over and over...i do everything i can think of...they wash there hands as soon as they walk in the door...and all throughout the day...if they dont stop missing shool they will be held back...i dont want that for them...

I should be getting my divorce papers in the mail very soon...i cant wait...

Nick will be here ina week...im excited for that...

yep

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Friday, October 26, 2007

venting

I was in the living room and seen someone pull into the driveway, so i went to the door, and before i could even ask what they wanted she shoves some product in my face saying its free and they are just out promoting a new company...i said no thanks, these kind of people come to my door all the damn time...she was all hyped up on something...she kept shoving them at me, and putting her hands in the doorway so that i couldnt shut the door...now i see that as a violation of my private space, and i about hit her...she is lucky i didnt ....i would have knocked the bitch out....

what these people do, is they put the product in your hand saying its a free gift..then they start talking and dont shut up...they say you can keep the product as long as i let them do a demonstration...No fucking thank you! like i am gonna let some stranger in my home...anyway, they keep talking and trying to convince you, all while you are trying to hand them back the stuff they shoved in your hands...last time i kept trying to hand the stuff back, and the man wouldnt take it...so i finally had to throw the stuff on the ground and lock the door...this time the bitch stuck her hands in the way so i couldnt shut the door...last person that did that to me got body slammed to the ground...arg, now my blood is rushing...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

to close

Well on the phone last night, Nick told me he got his date for deployment...This sucks Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Of course, i knew it was coming, but to have the actual date makes it so real...as if it wasnt real enough before...ugh, how do you not worry all the time?

Monday, October 22, 2007

i'm the girl

i found this on a site i belong to and had to share it...

"I'm The Girl""

I'm the girl standing behind you in line at the grocery store, eyeing the newest Support Our Troops magnet. The look on my face is complacent and my thoughts are miles away on some military base I've only been verbally described over the phone.I'm the young woman in the next car with the windows rolled up and the glassy visage only on the road ahead. The radio is set to one of the local country stations which is currently playing "Letters From Home". But you can't hear it because you're talking to a family member or friend on your cell phone. You catch a glance at the Army sticker on the bumper of my car but you don't know when the song reaches "my dearest love it's almost dawn, I've been laying here all night long, wondering where you might be", my heart breaks a thousand times.I'm the girl who visits the Army web site at odd hours of the night to find some kind of comfort for that lonesome feeling that has settled in the pit of my stomach.I'm the woman who has fought an inner battle, trying to accept the path the man I love has chosen. I'm the woman who will willingly sacrifice my family, my home to follow a man clear across the country. I'm the woman who never asked for this but deals with it without complaint.I'm the young woman who swells with pride everytime I see my Soldier standing tall in his uniform. I'm the one who spots an Army sticker, license plate, or flag and feels a connection with its owner, hoping that maybe I'm not alone in this melancholy, sacrificial situation.I am the young woman who tries to hide her tears whenever she recieves a call from her Soldier. Knowing that no matter what the problem is that he still loves her. Whether or not shes red & blotchy. I am the young woman who holds her breath everytime she recieves an unknown call. Worried that somewhere her heart may be breaking.I am the young woman who tries her hardest to go about my everyday life. I am the young woman who tries to concentrate during my classes and do the job I get paid to do. I am the young woman who hates sleeping alone. I am the young woman who closes my eyes and pretends that the man I love is laying there next to me, his arms wrapped around me. I am the young woman who tries not to miss him, who tries not to cry whenever I hear his name or even the mention of Soldiers. I am the woman who is terrified that the love of my life will be sent off to war.I am many things.A daughterA sisterA nieceA friendBut most importantly, I am the girlfriend of a United States Solider."

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Sunday, October 21, 2007

doing the happy dance!!!

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2 Weeks from today and i get to see my man!! so i am doing a little happy dance right now!!!

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yep, i know im crazy, but im excited...this time has seemed longer then any other because he was at NTC and communication was so limited...

another thing to dance about, by now my divorce papers should have been filed...Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket I will be a free woman by next summer...that is definately something to celebrate..ive been waiting for this for a while now!!

ugh, it always is such a pain waiting for the kids to come home on Sunday nights...i enjoy my quiet time, but by sunday night im ready to give them hugs and kisses again...they will be home within the next couple of hours..yay!!!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

nothing much

Not alot of new to announce...update on Logan...he hasnt had any more seizures...he has an appointment with a Nuerologist to do an EEG in November...I cant wait for that to be done...I want to know whats going on with him...he was able to go back to school friday, but he kind of clung to me...he didnt want to leave me...

nick will be here in 2 weeks...I cant wait..i miss him so much...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

updates

well, Logan had his doctor appointment yesterday...still don't seem to know what is going on with his seizure...the fact that he was sick seems to have nothing to do with the seizure though...It was basically just 2 hits at once...We have another appointment tomorrow morning to talk about sending him to a neurologist in Kalamazoo, because he motor skills are slowly declining...I'm really freaked out about it...I am trying not to, but I've becoming a little more scary as the days go by..he couldn't walk heel to toe in a straight line, couldn't stand still and straight with his eyes closed...and couldn't follow her finger with his own finger...he never had those problems before...he was always clumsy when he was little, but that went away...So tomorrow is another appointment with the same doctor to talk about all our options...I just hope my little man is OK...

seems that so many things keep happening..its amazing i have broke yet...My grandma is still waiting patiently in the nursing home, healing and working her ass off to get mobile enough to go home...they thought she would be able to last Saturday, but the doc didn't release her...hopefully soon...

As i am writing this something amazing and needed is happening in my life...Denny is with a consultant filling out the paperwork for our divorce...I really am excited about this...it will allow me to get on with life, and take the next step in the road ahead...i know how awful to be excited about a divorce right? its OK, you can think that, but we are better people, and better parents apart...i am happy...

Nick will be home soon...i am really looking foreword to it...with all that is happening, i need to have him to hold on to...i just really need it...too bad i have to give him back,but we are dealing with it well...the closer deployment gets the more i am feeling panicked...but i know he will come back to me...

I am physically exhausted, and emotionally from all that has gone on in the last week, but with knowing that things will be started in my quest for my new life has me wired...what a roller coaster ride...

back from war

Monday, October 15, 2007

interactive blog

So in light of a few things ive been dealing with lately, i wanted to start something different...

Tell me what does the word "father"or "Dad" mean to you? And what role do you think they play in the family?

Now give me some time to answer my own blog, because i want to be able to answer this completely and without getting pissed...so i want to think about what i write first...but it came to me while i was cooking dinner tonight...

Frustration

Well most of the weekend after the seizure incident logan was fine...he was moody but fine this morning, but felt ok, so he went to school..I even let him sleep in his own bed...oh but what a night last night..at every little sound i was up out of bed and running up the stairs...

anyway, I sent him to school this morning, and the school called for me to pick him up...at first when i seen the number that was calling i panicked, i was already headed out the door when she told me logan was sick...i picked up the phone, and before she could tellme what was up, i was headed for the van...Now logan has a fever, and stomach ache, no sinus problem, or cold symptoms except for a cough...arg! I want my little man healthy, and at this point its just a wait and see thing...I AM NOT A PATIENT PERSON! DAMMIT!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

not so fun

Boy has this day sucked...I woke up at 4 am to logan having a seizure...omg, i panicked...I had no idea how to handle it...he has never had one before...I ended up having to call 911...i was freaking out..They did some blood work, a CAT scan, and some urine tests, and everything came back normal...there was nothing they could find that would cause it...so finally about 9 am i was able to bring him home....I was scared as hell....he is sleeping in my room tonight...i cant seem to make myself put him in his own bed...i am still just too freaked about it...I have to make him an appointment, they are gonna do an EEG on him i guess...the doctor said to live life as normal, just to limit some things for him for now...no bike riding, and no climbing too high, just in case he has another...when we were sitting in the hospital waiting for the tests to come back, i asked himif he remember why he came down stairs to lay on the couch...he said that he woke up and was scared because there was a bad man standing next to his bed, so he came down to the couch...He also says he remembers shaking when he was having the seizure...but im not sure if thats becuase he heard me talking about it to someone...I just dont know...Im totally confused about the bad man comment...

I have never known a time when i felt so alone as i did today...I was alone in the ER with 4 little boys, and no one to help me...I was scared for my little boy, and i had no one to share that burden with me...Nick called me several times throughout the morning, and that made me feel alot better...Denny was up north and didnt make the trip back to be with Logan...his own personal decision i guess...I am not gonna touch that subject...I am so tired, but i dont want to go to sleep tonight...what if it happens again...what if its something that is in the air here, or something like that...

Friday, October 12, 2007

my week

I realized this morning that i hadnt posted an actual blog since the beginning of the week, so i thought i would...not that anything too exciting really happened this weekend...Just the typical stuff...I had a mouse problem, and im not sure why..i have no open food around, and sweep and vacuum after every meal..so there is nothing for them to eat...well i got rid of them, and now i am having to clean up there mess..so i have been rearranging my cupboards too...i figure why not, i have to take every thing out of them anyway...I cant have things the same for too long, drives me nuts!

The boys have bowling tonight...thats always fun...One of these days i will have to take steven and dominic so they can bowl also...school went good for them this week...steven was sick on thursday...Logan came home because they said he had lice...but i think they are nuts...i found nothing but sand in his hair...so, i gave him a shower and checked again..buzzed his hair just in case...but none of the others have it, and they are always wrestling around...so i think that they were wrong...there is just no possible way that he would ahve it and not the others...half the time when they wake up in the morning one of them has crawled into be with the other...

ive been fighting whatever illness is going around...causing me headaches and sinus pain...I went to bed on wednesday night with a headache, and woke up with it Thursday morning, and tired as hell...then this morning i woke with a sore throat...but after a hot shower my throat was fine...so who knows...ive been loading up on the vitamins, hopefully that will make it short...I usually end up with bronchitis this time of year...

nick will be here in about 3 weeks...Im so excited, and so are the boys...he gets to come to his first conferences with us..lol...I am really looking foreward to the time with him...Saying goodbye is always so hard though...its rough...We are gonna have to try to work in early Thanksgiving and Christmas while he is here, and also try to do some sort of party for him so we can send him off to his deployment with a BANG! thats gonna be the roughest part, knowing that when he leaves this time he is headed overseas...makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it..But once he is done with his deployment he is mine all mine...I wont have to give him back to the army...All mine...ok so i will have to share him with friends and family, eventualy...lol...Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

as we grow

i got this in a forewarded email, and wanted to post it here...i didnt write it, but i really liked it...


As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love
for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone
you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every
sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.
Send this to all of your friends in the next 5 minutes
and a miracle will happen tonight

Distance

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Monday, October 8, 2007

Last few days

I was so damn tired l st night that i went to bed at 9pm...now, those of you who know me, know that I don't usually go to bed before midnight...I was exhausted..I babysat all last week, then Friday night took 5 boys to the bowling ally...3 of them only to sit and watch while the older boys bowled...Denny never showed up at the bowling ally..then we can back here, and still no Denny...I wasn't about to miss the Motorcycle parade, so me and 5 boys walked into town for it...I have a hell of a time seeing in the dark, so i told them if they didn't stay close we would turn around and come back and they wouldn't be able to watch them...There were so many there, it was great!! Denny finally showed up to pick the boys up after the parade was done...

Saturday morning i went to the car show in town, and i expected it to be dull, and lifeless, because well, this is Bangor...But there were a ton of cars...Not as many as would be in Kalamazoo of course, but the streets were filled with them...Absolutely beautiful....I love old cars, and i love motorcycles, so its was great...they were playing music in town, and everyone seemed to be in such great spirits...It was hot as hell though....I cant believe we are having 90 degree weather in October...I had taken a shower just before walking into town, and by the time i got home i had to take another because it was so humid...after that i went into plainwell and picked up my mom and we went to see my gma, and then off to my aunts for a bon fire...we got back to my moms at 1am...I was tired from being hot all day, so i went straight to bed...Even though i was so tired, it took me till 3 am to fall asleep, then i woke about every half hour....my gmas bed was so uncomfortable...I don't know how she sleeps on it...s

Sunday we got up at 7 am...went and picked up my gma from the nursing home for the morning, and we went to vineyard cafe to have a memorial type thing for my uncle Dan...It was so wonderful...So many people showed up...my gma paid for all the coffee for the whole restaurant from open to close for the day in memory of my uncle...It was great to finally be able to do this...It was like there was no closure, and like we never really had the chance to say good bye...he died in Arizona, and had his ashes spread on a mountain there...He was an amazing man, and the fact that all those people showed up to remember him was such an awesome feeling, and my family appreciates it so much...He was a wild child kind of guy, but so respected...the kind that would have given you the last piece of bread even if he was hungry...it was an emotional morning as some of his old buddies from as far back as high school told stories...laughing and crying..it was beautiful...i know, its been a year since he died, but he was my favorite man, and such a beautiful human, and we finally got our goodbyes...My family is grateful to everyone who showed up, and to Vineyard Cafe in Lawton for doing this special thing for us...

After the memorial, my mom and I took my gma back, and then went to the house to move some more boxes around...her garage was just over run with boxes of stuff still...so we took a bunch in, and moved the rest of them around to make more space...it was hot Sunday too...i got home, and stood in the shower fora long time..lol...the boys got home at 8pm all showered so that i didn't have to do it...was very nice of there daddy to do that...I still cant believe i went to bed at 9pm!

Nick got back to Hawaii today....I am soooo glad for that...He gets his Internet back up and running tomorrow, so i will finally get to see his face on web cam again...getting text messages from him again was so great too...It had been a while since i had gotten some...1 here and there when he had enough of a signal, but not many...He called me this morning at 2am to say he was back...I called him this morning, when i got up, he was headed to bed after hanging out with a buddy for a while...cant wait to talk to him again this afternoon...he said i could call, but its been a while since he got to sleep in his own bed, so I'm not gonna bug him just yet...soon though..lol...a little over 3 weeks and i get to see him again! i cant wait....

Thursday, October 4, 2007

updates and more

Not a whole lot has been happening really...life is pretty straight foreward lately...I wake up, time depending on what day it is...mon, wed, and fri, i wake up at 5;3o to walk on the treadmill...then get the kids up and off to school...work on the house till its time to pick them up...and then do the mommy thing...One of these days i will find a job to fill those daytime hours...I have been babysitting after school...gives me a little extra money...

tommorrow is michael and logans bowling day...they really seemto like it...its my weekend without them so, im gonna head to the motorcycle parade after that...Saturday im gonna hit the car show down town...hang out there for a bit...then not sure about saturday night...my mom said something about going to a bar...so we will see...

Sunday we are doing a memorial type thing for my uncle Dan...he died one year ago Oct. 7th...its hard to believe its already been a year...He was my favorite uncle...the one man in my life that i learned something positive from...he was a little nutty, but it was part of what made him Dan...I have alot of his personality...Anyway, we are having a little thing sunday morning, at a cafe in Lawton...My gma is paying for everyones coffee for the morning hours...we are hoping that alot of people show up...he was very popular in lawton...one of the worst things about it for me i think, is i kept meaning to write him a letter, and never got around to it...i kept thinking there was always tommorrow...i never did write that letter, and now tomorrow isnt there, not for him...

I found out last night that Nick only gets 2 weeks of leave with us before he heads to Iraq...I was so bummed about it last night that i couldnt continue talking...I just lost all thought after that...we were hoping to have him home for Thanksgiving seems how we couldnt have him for Christmas...but what can you do? we will just have to make the best of the time while he is here...i miss him...very much...

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

yay, you go boy!!!

Michael came home with a progress report today...he is getting an A in math and reading...yay michael....He is getting Credit in other classes...they have a special grading scale for him for the other stuff...But an A in reading in math is such an accomplishment for him...mommy is so proud of you..

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Life

This week seems to just be flying by...I went to see my gma today...she is doing well...i helped her with her physical therapy, and we walked around the nursing home...then we went outside in the sunshine for a while...The place she is in is beautiful, but im glad she will be able to go home...Now is the task of coming up with a temporary wheelchair ramp...We are gonna find something that is easy to take down so that when she can go up and down the stairs it can be taken down...i had to leave her earlier today then normal, she had done alot of work, and needed some rest before lunch...she told me she really enjoyed my visits because they are always so much more relaxing...made me feel good...

The boys have been ok this week...They are getting a bit frustrated with something, and im not sure why...but i will figure it out...They are getting excited about halloween already...They have lots of things planned at school...they all have field trips this month...they are excited about that too...

My gma would like my mom and i to do a memorial thing for my uncle on Sunday...He died one year ago October 7th...I cant believe its been so long...this last year has just flown by...She got tears in her eyes when she started talking about it today...Everything she has gone through in the last month has got to be pretty rough on her...

Nick will be home 1 month from tommorrow...i cant wait to see him..i hope this month flies by...He is still stuck in California...He was suppose to be going back to Hawaii tommorrow, but now they are figuring between the 8th,and 10th....Strange...its been almost 2 months since i seen his face on web cam...or chatted with him online, or had more then a half hour conversation...its been rough, but worth it...sooner or later he will be home for good...

Monday, October 1, 2007

oh man, i dont know what my problem was, but yesterday was rough...It was just one of those days that i wanted to stay in bed...I was just missing nick bad...1 more month to get through, then i get to see him again...I am just not use to having such limited contact with him, and its starting to get to me...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket I think the kids were feeling it too, because they were just all in bad moods...fighting with each other, and cranky...They seemed to be better this morning...omg, all they can talk about is Halloween, and its still 30 days away...lol, by the time it gets here im gonna be pulling my hair out...ah well, i am glad they are excited about it...i love to see their faces light up that way...

Nothing too exciting is really going on...My gma is healing well...i am going to see my mom on sunday, and sheis gonna look over the divorce papers with me so that i am sure to fill them out right...Then its just a matter of time before i can file...it will make me feel better to get them filled out though, and maybe i will get lucky and once i have the papers filled in maybe denny will pay for the filing...we will see...I know we have been seperated for 2 years, but how do i explain all this to my boys..they know we arent together anymore, but they do know we are still married...i just have to find a way to explain things to them...i really am very excited to be free of those papers, and move on with life...Life is so much more laid back, and my boys are better too...