Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Happy 6th birthday Steven and Dominic




Happy Birthday boys...mommy is so proud of how big and responsible your getting...we dont get to spend the day together today, but remember i love you, and i miss you..and i know your having fun at your dads!!!

my babies are growing up way too fast....should that even be allowed...these are the last of them for me..biologically at least...and its hard to see them get bigger...

Happy birthday steven

Happy Birthday Dominic

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

An end in sight

well for summer at least....its hard to believe summer break is almost over for the boys...it has gone by so fast...and we havent done anything...except bike rides, and walks...we only got over to Nicks moms house once...its just been us here at home most of the summer...The boys are glad to be going back...they like school..they take after me that way..i always liked school...well, except when i lived in New Mexico...i hated school out there...Michael is headed to 4th grade, logan to 2nd, and the twins are redoing kindergarten...A choice i made by the way...the teacher said it might benefit them, so in order for them to function better in the higher grades i made the choice i thought was right for them...they are also being separated into different classes...i think they need a little independance from each other...they are together so much that they fight constantly...

the open house is wednesday..yeah, i know, on the twins bday..lol...Denny has them right now, but he is gonna bring them back so i can take them to it..they get to go in and meet their teachers, and find their classrooms so that they are totally overwhelmed by the first day...i like that they do that...when i was little, the bus took me to school the first day, and i would panic..lol..but it was often at a new school, so i didnt always know what to do...i always make sure the boys are not insecure in that way...the first week, i take them to class every morning...then after that, i stay out on the playground with them till the bell rings, then eventually i am able to just drop them off...its a 2 week process..lol..i know some wouldnt agree, but its what helps my boys feel confident...and lets them know i am there...

So, i got my first ticket...as if my budget wasnt tight enough already...my plates are expired, and i cant really afford to get them updated...but i still have a family to take care of, so i went to the store....well, when i walked out, our finest bike cop was standing behind my van...so, i got a ticket...its my own fault...and i wouldnt be in a tight situation if i wasnt too proud to take the help that is offered to me....but i turned it down anyway...stupid i know...i would be less stressed if i hadnt...but, im not sure how to let go of that pride when i am in a jam...so, tomorrow i go to the bank and get a money order and send it in...stupid me..

my mom and aunt and throwing logan and the twins a birthday party on Sunday...im so excited for it...they are going to try to rent one of those blow up bouncing things...im not telling the boys about it....im keeping the party a suprise...originally the party was just for logan, but with the twins birthday being tomorrow, we decided to make it for all 3...there is no way i could throw another party right now...

we arent doing anything for memorial day...hopefully there will be a parade in town...i know, not a big one, but its close, and dosnt cost any gas to get there...and i like walking into town...with school starting the next day, i want the boys to relax a bit and get back on schedule anyway...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

passing time

im just sitting here waiting for Nick to get online...its 7am in Iraq...time for him to get off work...makes for some late night for me...but its worth it...in a very short time(well, considering whats behind us), we will start a new life...something better then i have ever known...and i seriously cant wait for that...

i often find that my guard is still up when it comes to believing that i truely am worthing of having someone like him love me...i try so hard to let the past go...its easy, and difficult at the same time...easy because i can feel how much he loves me...but hard because the plan of my life has totally changed...for the better of course...but still sometimes im afraid to think that this new life is real, without looking at how my last dreams had ended...but i think that my last dreams, were full of lies and deceit...the this future we will build for ourselves is full of wonder...something that isnt centered around money...but us, as a family...

so wow, i sure have been coming accross alot of friends lately...friends from school...i love it...its a great feeling to me...ive barely been in contact with alot of them...and i really do miss them so much...i was torn from that, and i want it back...im not sure i can have it back, and if not, i can let it go, and move on...but i dont have to wonder anymore...im going to be making amends...saying my sorry's, and seeing if some of these old friendships are salvagable...i really havent changed that much...as im sure they will soon find out...

so, 3 more months and i will be free of these legal documents that are keeping my life tied down...free of the control, and the power...i will have my own control and power back...and i can continue to mend my life...

i dont really know what brought on this blog...i just started typing...and it all came out...ive been kind of nostalgic of all the old days, and old friends, and its got me believe i will overcome these circumstances...i want to make my boys proud...all of them

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Happy 8th Birthday Logan!!!


My Logan turned 8 yesterday...i was gonna post a happy birthday to him then, but the boy kept me busy all day...we werent able to have a party, because his birthday was in the middle of the week, but we did invite some people over, and they didnt show...i felt bad for him, because he was disappointed ...in fact, he just looked downright sad...he said he wanted to feel special like Michael, and have a big party...i explained to him that it was the middle of the week, and we live kinda far from everyone, and they had to work...but that we would throw him a party with lots of people in a couple of weeks...it made me feel totally like a bad mom...

So we went for a walk, and played some basketball, the went for a bike ride yesterday...i baked him a cake..lol, yeah, im no good at it, but it tasted yummy!
then after the cake he opened his presents, there arent too many pics of that because it was just the presents from me yesterday..but im sure there are more to come..Nick is sending him a gift card so that he can pick out his helmet that he has been wanting...he was gonna order it online and have it delivered, but we werent sure of the size..

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Another day in paradise

This last week has been full of just me and kids...lol...Not much extra really....

I found an old friend on Myspace the other day...i was so excited...and even more excited after we talked on the phone...Conversation came easy for us, just like it did way back then...it was a little different, but thats becaues it has been so long, and there had been so many changes...but i am so glad to have found her again....it was wonderful, and i cant wait to talk more!

Nick got his internet back...its so nice to be able to chat with him...really nice...last night we were even able to get the webcam to work again...i hadnt seen his face except in pictures in quite a while....it was great...

The boys dad never showed up to pick them up for his weekend...he never gave an explanation even when they asked him...he wiggled his way out with an "i dont know"...and now the boys keep asking me...but im not gonna lie to them...i dont know why he didnt show for his weekend...and im sure not gonna make up stuff...I feel bad for them..and they are angry about it...i dont know what to do to make it any better for them...

So, this month im kinda stuck in Bangor...there was a situation with my account because of the ex and a bounced check, so now i have no money...im tired of not having any...I need a job...badly...i feel useless...and im out of ideas for me and the boys to do things around here...we are all just kinda tired of summer, and ready for school to start again...

Last night the "hood" was hoppin with lots of shouting and loud cars...noisy....i had a hard time sleeping...in fact, i didnt fall asleep till after 3, and was woke this morning by a neighbor...we slept with all the windows open last night. it was nice...kinda cold acutally....then at 6:30am i was torn out of sleep to the sound of puking...i could tell it wasnt one of the boys....someone was outside the neighbors house, next to my driveway, below my open bedroom window, puking for all the world to hear...that was not a sound i wanted to wake up to...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Monday, August 11, 2008

All things icky!

When it comes to being a mom, im not always the most sophisticated female there is...in fact, as i have gotten older, i have become more of a tomboy then i was when i was little....maybe it comes from having all boys..i dont know....but when it comes to bugs, ive never been able to budge on that issue! I DONT LIKE THEM! thats all there is to it..not even the friendliest of bugs is desirable to me...

to get to my point...why is it that boys think its funny to make mom squeal? huh? lol, whats so funny about making me run around the yard saying "get it away from me!"

yeah, those would be my boys chasing me...they have come to the realization that i dont like bugs..and they seem to like the reaction they get when they bring me a hand full of them...the other day, dominic came inside and said "mom come outside and see what we found" ...so, there i go, out the door to see what treasures they have found for me...well, they had dug a hole...and what di dthey find....a whole bunch of those roly poly bugs...you know the ones im talking about? the ones that roll into a ball when you touch them...they thought it would be fun to put one in my hand...and what did i do? did i act like a tough chic, or drop it and squeal like a little girl...you guess im not telling..lol...

there entertainment lately is showing me bugs...i guess its my payback for taking away the cable TV...lol

Saturday, August 9, 2008

8 months down!!!!

oh my gosh!!!! we have 8 months down on this deployment....9 months since i last held him or kissed him!!! im so excited to have this much time behind us...yep, still a ways to go, but im looking at the positive....Im totally giddy with excitement, and the boys are looking at me like i lost my mind..lol...well, i have, but its ok, they love me anyway!!!

So nothing too exciting has been happening around here...I think the kids are ready to go back to school...i have started them on a bit of a routine....2 times a day we take time out to read, or do flashcards...I have logans sightword list from last year, and i have made some cards out of them...and we work on that....im so excited....Logan read almost a whole book...finally, for the first time....most dont know, but he is extremely behind on his reading...his concentration just totally sucks....the first day of school i am going to make sure they know all about it...and see if they can get him some extra help....i do what i can here, but with 3 other boys in the house, it dosnt always work...

I have set up a list of chores they have to do every day...steven has been my little helper lately...he is so cute about it...he wants to wash the dishes all the time....lol, i end up having to rewash them, but he does an ok job....i like that i have a list posted and they just know every day what has to be done...it helps alot...and i dont have to remind them so much...

i am loving this weather this week....its nice not to have the air conditioner running full blast 24/7...and the humidity has finally gone down a bit....guess that means its time for yard work..

Dominic informed me a couple of days ago that girls dont have peepee's....haha, i dont think he is old enough to explain all that too...so, i will just giggle at that revalation for now till i think he will be able to understand a little better....

Steven and Logan still have poison ivy, but it seems to be under control...the doctor said it will take about 3 weeks for it to go away completly...I had to take Logan into the doctor yesterday again..he woke with a sore throat and i didnt want to take any chances....no strep thank goodness...i swear that kid is sick all the time....the doctor suggested a multi-vitamin for him...so we will try that....

without the cable tv i have spent alot more time reading...its so nice to get some reading done finally...right now im working on a Nora Roberts one....but i have another one waiting for me that i cant wait to read....its called Emotional Vampires....Erin, that might be one that you like...i cant wait to start it....im trying to branch out away from just reading steamy love stories..lol....any suggestions would be great!!!

well, time to get back to the boys...have a great weekend

Thursday, August 7, 2008

just some stuff

The last couple of days i have accomplished alot on the house...well the inside anyway...The bedroom is coming together nicely...i would like to get it painted before Nick has his r&r...but im not sure that much is gonna happen...I have the headboard, a sidetable, and one dresser assembled...i still have another sidetable, and another dresser to put together...the other sidetable i might do today, but the other dresser is just gonna have to wait...but its starting to look like a bedroom again instead of a storage area with a bed.lol...

The boys went to their dads on Sunday, and came back yesterday...On Monday Denny sent me a text telling me that Dominic and Logan have poison ivy..well, when they came home, it wasnt Dominic that had it, it was Steven...neither have it real bad, but it dosnt seem to be drying up...its not spreading either, so thats a plus....They came back exhausted and filthy....they were happy to be home....i pulled a tick out of Dominic this morning...hopefully i got it all...it looks like i did...blech, i cant stand them nasty little things! Not sure yet if im gonna have them t his weekend or not seems how he had them most of the week...

i think the rest of this week is gonna consist of us laying low, and just hanging out...Saturday if i have them we might head to the Blueberry fest in South Haven...Not sure yet..My mom wants me to go with her on Sunday, but it kind of depends if i have the boys or not...When i called Bambi yesterday, she told me about a birthday party for Sunday too...i wish she had told me before I made plans...im a little upset about it...

Nothing spectacular is going on lately...Nick still dosnt have internet..so we have been relying on the phone...but i count myself luckier then most...so i shouldnt complain too much...Im tired lately..no matter how early i go to bed, im still just tired...im thinking it must be allergies or something...or could be the heat...i dont handle that well at all....especially with the humidity we have had the last couple of weeks...i havent been sleeping real heavy, but part of that could just be me getting use to being back upstairs...i like having that room back...i cant wait till Nick and i can make it ours...I put a chair up there so that i can be up there and read without having to be in bed...

I am feeling so totally alone lately....People keep getting mad at me for not being able to come see them...my friends are mad cuz they always have to come over here..but there really is nothing i can do about it...my van is dying, and i cant keep acting like its not...there is nothing i can do about it, but they act like im doing it on purpose...its frustrating...ive told them its not because i dont want to, its becuae i cant afford to...if this van dies on me, im gonna be in some trouble...i cant function living way out here, with no vehicle...i have 4 boys to grocery shop for, and to take to appointments, and stuff like that...if they cant understand why i cant run my van all over the place, then i dont know what to tell them...i have to think of my boys first...they need transportation...

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Day 227

As of today if i counted right, its been 227 days since i last kissed my soldier....wow, when you think of it like that, we have come a long way...its been like being on a rollercoaster of emotions...especially lately..he would have been home by now if it wasnt for this deployment...instead not till next year :( It makes missing him a little harder now...knowing that he should be home with us...But we deal with it as it come...we are strong...and we make the best of it...His internet still isnt working...but he says it should be soon...they are still working on it...I cant wait for R&R...its getting closer...but excuse me while i stomp my feet and pout a little cuz i want it now! lol....oh well...what can you do? you wait, and write, and chat, and keep your phone with you 24/7 so you dont miss a call....and you know that sooner or later they will be home, in your arms where they belong...and i know, no matter how little or how much i talk to him, he is always missing me...

My knee is feeling better...it still has a little bit of a catch in it...but it dosnt hurt anymore...i think i just overworked it running up and down the stairs...hehe, i know, next time be more careful right? well i still have more furniture to put together, and 2 dressers to bring down, wich i will be doing tomorrow...at least i have the main part of the house put back together...it was looking pretty rough in here! but, im all caught back up...hopefully i can finish putting together the dresser i will be using, so that ican get my clothes put away...that would help alot...

The boys are all done with summer school...they are spending the day with their dad tomorrow...im sure they will enjoy the break from me, and the extra time with him...and will allow me to get all the bedding washed, so its nice and fresh for them to sleep in...

my kitty is still a little sore from his last visit to the vet...but he seems to be getting better...he isnt so moody..i think we got a handle on the flea issue...but we will see...he still has a few that outlived the last application of flea drops...and we cant do more for 20 days...i may take him in for them to do a flea bath, cuz i cant really do it on my own...he is too strong...

its so hot in here...the air conditioner is working real well lately....i think it needs to be recharged or something...there is cold air coming out of the vents though, so, im wondering if the fan on the furnice isnt working realy well...i dont know enough about that kind of stuff to really tell...i just know its hot..i moved the window air into the loft, and that helps, but still not enough...

well, im off to round up the boys for showers...another day down, many more to go....