Thursday, August 21, 2008

passing time

im just sitting here waiting for Nick to get online...its 7am in Iraq...time for him to get off work...makes for some late night for me...but its worth it...in a very short time(well, considering whats behind us), we will start a new life...something better then i have ever known...and i seriously cant wait for that...

i often find that my guard is still up when it comes to believing that i truely am worthing of having someone like him love me...i try so hard to let the past go...its easy, and difficult at the same time...easy because i can feel how much he loves me...but hard because the plan of my life has totally changed...for the better of course...but still sometimes im afraid to think that this new life is real, without looking at how my last dreams had ended...but i think that my last dreams, were full of lies and deceit...the this future we will build for ourselves is full of wonder...something that isnt centered around money...but us, as a family...

so wow, i sure have been coming accross alot of friends lately...friends from school...i love it...its a great feeling to me...ive barely been in contact with alot of them...and i really do miss them so much...i was torn from that, and i want it back...im not sure i can have it back, and if not, i can let it go, and move on...but i dont have to wonder anymore...im going to be making amends...saying my sorry's, and seeing if some of these old friendships are salvagable...i really havent changed that much...as im sure they will soon find out...

so, 3 more months and i will be free of these legal documents that are keeping my life tied down...free of the control, and the power...i will have my own control and power back...and i can continue to mend my life...

i dont really know what brought on this blog...i just started typing...and it all came out...ive been kind of nostalgic of all the old days, and old friends, and its got me believe i will overcome these circumstances...i want to make my boys proud...all of them

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