Tuesday, September 2, 2008

just stuff

So the last week has been pretty decent...The boys finally came home from Denny's house on Friday night...he gave me some major attitude and complained that he didnt get to spend any time with them this summer...he has had them plenty, so, i dont know why he hasnt...really, not my problem anymore...but, it was my weekend, and i had plans with them, so...whatever...im tired of being nice, and over accomidating when it comes to my time with the boys...

Friday night, i let the twins pick dinner...seems how they werent here for their bdays...and of course, they picked McDonalds....blech! lol, but they liked it...we walked over there to eat...it was a nice walk...and im totally addicted to the sweet tea they make...at first i didnt really like it...but now i love it..

Saturday turned out to be the day from hell! i got the boys up and fed, and ready to go by 10am...we were gonna go to walmart so that logan could pick out a bike helmet that Nick sent a gift card for...and so michael and logan could get hair cuts before school started...well, we got all loaded up, and the van wouldnt start! i was freaking out....so i opened up the hood...one of the battery cables was so corroded that you could barely see it...so i called my mom to warn her ahead of time that it was happening, we had plans wtih the kids the next day...i let some friends know...just in case we had to cancel the kids party...i was freaking..lol...anyway...Eric, Nicks brother, called and asked if i needed help...which i thought was awesome...so, while he was on his way here, i cleaned the battery cable (yes, all by myself) and got that put back together...after he got here, we tried to trouble shoot and figure out what was wrong with it...finally went to get some jumper cables, and guess what, it worked..lol....woohoo...i was nervous about driving it though...afraid to get stranded...but i went to walmart, and did as originally planned....
Thanks Eric for helping me out...i appreciate it...and thanks ramiah for letting him come help....you guys are so awesome..

Sunday we had the boys suprise party...but my uncle Ed and Aunt Renee wanted us there early cuz they had another suprise for the boys...They had decided to take them to formula K for some fun before the suprise party...they had no idea! hehe, the bugged me all morning to find out what it was...They had a blast...played games, drove go karts...it was awesome...i loved their excitement when we got there...the smiles were priceless...i got lots of pics...they are on my myspace...check them out...anyway after that we had a party for them...Nicks family showed up, and it was my mom, and aunt and uncle...we had a great time playing games and stuff...Thank you Mom, Renee and Ed for doing that for my boys...it means the world to me...you have no idea! i was stressed about not being sure what to do for them...

Monday we just kinda hung out here...nothing special...the boys were tired from the time at dads, and the weekend, so we just took it easy...

Today was the first day of school...they boys did great! im so proud of how they handled it...they wouldnt let me take pics though..lol silly boys...they seemed to have a good first day..they all really like the teachers...and i do too...i think this year will be a great experience for them...

it was so damn hot today...its almost 11, and its still 75 out there...and still hot in the house...i couldnt keep it cool in here at all...the central air kept it at about 88, so i turned on the window one in the bedroom to help out...and it still stayed hot in here...blah! i hate it so hot...

ive been dealing with alot of anxiety lately...im trying hard to let it go...ive never felt like this...its like im fine one moment...then i go into a total feeling of panic and dread...i have no idea why...i know there is a lot going on in my life right now...but it makes me feel so dang weak...i cant be like this...i have too many people depending on me...i dont know exactly what the problem is...i just know ive never felt that before...its frustrating...i think the fact that i have been alone with these boys for 3 years, more if you count the time before that...but its coming close to an end, and now i start to panic...does it even make sense? i mean geeze, ive gotten this far...why now? i was telling Nick, i think i just need at least one thing to be final...And i need a damn job....im tired of feeling like the world can come crashing down around me every month...its an aweful feeling...and to feel that over and over every month is just rediculous...but, no one wants to hire someone with such limited availability... i just dont know what to do anymore :( im out of ideas...

1 comment:

Roxanne said...

Hang in there girl, you're an amazing mom! Those boys couldn't be luckier, every little anxiety will fall into place! :hug: