Wednesday, December 31, 2008

new years eve

its new years eve what do you have planned??

I am babysitting...fun huh? lol...the kids will have fun...i got them pizza rolls, and im making nachos, and i got pop..and someone is suppose to be bringing other snacks too...i dont figure i will keep them up till midnight...10am at the latest...i honestly cant deal with a bunch of cranky kids new years day..lol...

but i got me a bottle of wine, and some pecan pie to ring in the new year with! so i will be watching the ball drop on tv, and hopefully talking to my soldier boy on messenger..if all goes as planned and his or my internet works right.. i will be getting a virtual kiss this year...my last year alone...

so after all the kids go to bed, it will be a nice relaxing evening...just me, myself and a glass of wine

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Cleaning out my closet

ok, not really...but figuratively..as in new year...out with the old, in with the new..lol...tomorrow is new years eve...and there are a lot of life changes about to take place...in the next 5 months there is some major things happening....the pages of yesterday are finally turning for me...its what i have needed for a long time now...

first, im starting the new year with a can do attitude...i can make anything happen...the possibilies are endless...i want a job..and thats what i will be working the hardest towards...some financial independance..

in the next month the legal stuff for my "D" should be done and over...finally...after 3 years...its such a relief...some closure i needed to really officially move on with my life...i mean, i have moved on, but this will make me feel like its complete....

This year also brings me Nick...No more deployment, no more army...just us...as a family...to have him home with me will be so wonderful...its what we have been waiting for...to be a family...to be together more often then every 6 months...of course this last time was a year...how we did it i will never really know..lol...but 2009 brings us together for good...no more long goodbyes...hes mine all mine...lol, ok, i will share him with his family!

im not making any resolutions...im just changing things...for the better....

so be gone troubles of 2008, cuz 2009 is rollin in! and its gonna rock!

2008 wasnt all bad of course...i learned just how tough i can be...most of the year i have taken care of 5 boys..4 of my own, and 1 other...alone...i lived through not seeing my man for a year...i slowly learned not to let people walk all over me...ive learned that love can stretch so far, as long as it is true, and strong....ive learned what friends are really my friends, and what ones are not...

really, i just learned more about being me...

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Christmas and stuff

I hope everyone had a great Christmas...

i had a good one...The kids went to their dads, cuz the weather was too nasty the week before christmas to get my shopping done...So they went with him instead...It was my first one without having them at least part of the day...that part of it kinda sucked...I went to my moms Christmas eve, and my aunt Renee came over...we opened presents and had fun hanging out...then christmas morning, my grandma made breakfast fajitas...yummy spicey ones...we opened up our stockings, and just kinda hung out for the day...i wasnt feeling too well though...I ended up coming home that night...I got to talk to Nick a few times on Christmas day, and a little bit throughout the day...

i got a laptop for Christmas...omg, its so cool! its a tiny little thing, and its just basic, but i love it...its so great to having something like this of my own...I am actually on it now...its a mini laptop...an Acer Aspire One...its smaller then a piece of printer paper...it fits in my purse! it will be great for when i go back to school...

My mom bought me the tile for my kitchen counter! im so excited for that...it will be so great to get that done...its been just plywood for over 6 years...i cant even wash it...its gonna be wonderful to be able to clean my countertops!

The weather here has been nuts...it has gone from being really cold, below zero, to being 63 degrees...all the snow we got last week is melting, and its raining...we actually had a thunderstorm this morning..lol...i thought i was dreaming it...till i about jumped out of bed from a dead sleep, because the thunder was so loud...lol, silly weather...alot of the sideroads are flooded in this area...i almost think i would rather have snow then all this crap!

I get the boys back on tuesday..i miss them, i cant wait till they come home...i would like to give them their gifts...i was gonna take down the tree, but i feel bad for doing that before they get their gifts...

I think new years eve will be spent at home alone again...well the boys will be here, but they usually go to bed before then...so maybe i will get some wine and toast the new year myself...its what i did last year too...it is kind of relaxing...i watch the countdown and call all my friends at midnight...lol...

i worked most of tonight trying to catch up in the house...the holidays have put me behind on things...the cold water pipe to my washer was frozen, so i had a ton of laundry to do also...it freezes on me every year...

so i dont know if my van is completely dead, or if its just the really cold weather that makes it not start...its irritating...i want it back...i miss driving it...i like driving nicks car...but its not mine, and you know how that goes...your most comfortable driving your own...although i have to say, i love how peppy his car is...makes me feel like a teenager again..lol

ok off to get more stuff done...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Happy Holiday

Im not sure when i will be around, so i wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, or Happy Holiday, Merry Yule...haha, whatever you guys say....

The boys will be going with their dad this Christmas...it will be my first time without them for this holiday...im pretty sad about it, but they will have a great time...I am going to my mom and grandma's house...i was just gonna go for Christmas day, but i dont feel like being alone...With Nick not here, i just cant stand being in the house for christmas...

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and i will talk to you all when i get home...

I LOVE YOU NICK...MERRY CHRISTMAS MY SOLDIER BOY...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

What about family

I seriously find myself sitting here today swearing at me...kinda funny huh...but this is why...

I always told myself i wouldnt use this time of year as a major gift giving time..that instead i would enjoy life as it is, and be happy with it all...This year i found myself stressing over the fact that i am broke, and cant give my boys the kind of Holiday i want them to have...

What i forgot to do was be thankful for what i have...and compared to alot of people, I have it pretty good...is it a life of money and fame...heck no...but its a life with the family i created, and the smiles i see on my boys faces every day after school when i get to be the one to pick them up...I am honestly not sure i would change any of that for anything in the world...

So this is me telling my boys how much I love them, and that mommy is sorry for being so stressed about something that wont be changing...I found myself putting a label on the Holidays just like most others...it makes me sick to think i fell into that category again...

The Christians and the Pagans

I seen this on a friends blog, and i thought i would share...

Friday, December 19, 2008

Snow Day

Today was our first snow day for this school year...The boys were glad..me, not so much! i have 5 boys most of the day...we had a good size snow storm...thank goodness most of it missed us...i tried shoveling, and it was so heavy i finally gave up...but at least i got the hard packed stuff that the plows put in the driveway...This would have been the last day of school before Christmas break...

I am in such a crabby mood today...im trying hard not to be, but i give up..lol...now im really just trying to get through the day....

I was able to chat with Nick today, and talk to him on the phone for a bit...He is back to where he is suppose to be...safe and sound...now i just cant wait till he is safe and sound here...The boys are getting better about him being gone again...for a while there is was rough...but they are adjusting...

we are doing movie night tonight..my mom got each of us a popcorn bucket, so im about to make some popcorn, and put a movie in and snuggle up with my boys on the couch...it will be nice to relax with them...

Its less then a week before Christmas, and i havent done any shopping yet...The ex messed that up for me pretty good...i havent figured out how santa is coming this year...i got a little help, so there will be a few things, but now that winter break has started im not even sure how im gonna shop...im trying not to stress about it...the other option is to let their dad have them for the Holiday...I havent made up my mind yet...i dont know if i can be away from them and nick for the holiday...haha, can i just sleep through it all???? i kinda like that option!

I am reading eclipse right now...actually, im almost done with it...its the 3rd book in the Twilight series....i love it...im obsessed with this series! i cant wait to read the last one...im gonna be sad when im done with them though..lol....

well im off to make popcorn...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

arg

These last few days have been just rotten...I miss him more and more every second...i hate this...and i hate being weak...Last night our bed felt so lonely and cold that i added an extra blanket just to feel like i had his warmth next to me...it just sucks...I am so ready for this deployment to be over...i want to be able to kiss him awake again...snuggle up on the couch with him while we read or watch a movie...the few days after he leaves are always the hardest...im feeling it more today then the day he left...the boys are moody...we all just miss him so much...

It was cute the morning he left, he had to put on his uniform, and when Steven seen it he got a huge grin...I asked him what he was smiling about, and he said "Nick is in his Army man clothes"...we don't get to see it very often because of the fact that he was in Hawaii, and we were in Michigan...and its nice to see it...i don't know why, it should be a reminder of the fact that he has to be gone so much, but to me its a big part of what our lives are about...i think its good for the kids to see it, so they understand it all...

Michael had his Christmas concert last night...I have no pictures to share...I had to take 5 kids to this thing, and there was no place to sit...i even got there half an hour early...I'm pissed about it...we had to sit out in the hall...I'm angry that i had to miss my child's holiday performance because the school cant accommodate all the parents...How smart would it be if we used the gym at the school...oh wait, that would give us all a place to sit so we could see it...im a little bitter about it all...the weather was crappy last night, and we made our way there only to be disappointed...

im having a bad day already, and its only just begun...maybe i should just go to sleep..

Monday, December 15, 2008

Here and gone again

Nicks midtour leave ended at 6:30 am....it hasnt even been 12 hours and im missing him so much already that I feel sick...a part of me is missing...I did well this morning, i only cried a little this time..I try to stay so strong for him when he has to go, but its a lost cause...its starting to hit me harder tonight...im starting to feel it...the boys too....i had a talk with the twins this afternoon and they started crying...

Photobucket

on a happier note, we had an amazing time, and i got lots of pictures...way too many to post here, but if you would like the link send me a comment on this blog, and i will send the link to the page for them...

he was home in time for Thanksgiving, which is what we were hoping for...I had Thanksgiving with his family...they are really great to me...i love them as part of my own already...we went up to Grand Rapids for a couple of days...we stayed in a room with a jacuzzi tub...it was so nice to have some time alone with him...The first night we were there we went on a sleigh ride through Frederick meijer gardens...it was absolutely amazing...it was at night, and they had Christmas lights all over...then after that we went to Noto's...its an italian place up there...very fancy, and very romantic...and omg the food! wow....i thought i had gone to the afterlife with that stuff..lol...it was yummy! and the wine list was a leatherbound book of 50 pages or more...i stuck with a chocolate martini....

the next day we went to Van Andel museum...i think we were in there for 4 hours! there was so much to see...then we went to The Bob....its a whole building of bars, and places to eat...that was great too...i think next time we go it will have to be on a weekend though...cuz the place was pretty dead...they had great food too...after we ate, we played pool, and had some drinks...and Nick kicked my butt on a shooting game..lol...but well, its what he is trained for....lol...we got a little bored with that, and headed to the movies....we got to see Dark Night.....what a great movie! i was impressed...

time went so fast....Nick bought a car...its a cute little 2007 ford focus....its perfect for him...and will be great for the driving he needs to do to look for a job in the spring...its fun to drive...I havent driven anything that small since before logan was born...

My van died while he was here...it needs a new alternator, but im not sure when i will be able to do that...a friend said she might be able to find someone to put it in for me if i can get one...so hopefully after christmas i will be able to...i dont want to put a bunch of miles on Nicks new car...it has very low miles on it....and im afraid the kids sliding in and out will tear it up...it makes me nervous...

We had 3 Christmases..one with his family, one with mine, and one just us and the boys...Nicks dad bought us a dryer! it saves me so much money, and im so greatful for it...i cant imagine having to go the the laundromat in this weather...Nick got some great stuff from everyone too...i felt bad though, i didnt really have the money to get him anything...

Saturday we did some hanging out...we picked up his neice, and went to Circuit city, barnes and nobles, and then to see Twilight....it was a good movie, but definately not as good as the book!

Im tired, ive been up since very early this morning...i tried to nap, but i just couldnt do it...my bed felt empty...its just not the same without him...

we officially have 12 months down on the deployment now...only a few more to go...im so greatful for that...well im off to make dinner..i know there are some things im forgetting so tell me what you want more details on..lol....