Tuesday, January 20, 2009

my dreams and a new president

I don't know what the issue is lately, but every time i sleep i have vivid disturbing dreams...i haven't had a restful nights sleep since before Nick came home for his leave...i wake up more tired then when i went to sleep...and they aren't good dreams...i wake up sore...its just annoying...

Today i spent the day watching the Inaugaration out of the corner of my eye while i was taking care of house things...i had it one from the time i woke up till now...i was so moved by Obama's speech...i cried, like a baby...it was well put, and im excited to see where this all takes us...he gave a very powerful speech...and there were a few key quotes that really grabbed ahold of me...there are some parts i lost during a phone call, but i found the transcript of his speech on CNN.com and its just wonderful! i saved it to my computer so i could reread it a few times...i got the impression he really meant it, that he wasnt just putting on a show...

Well i applied for a job at the school...and i know it wasnt that long ago, but im pretty disappointed...i havent heard anything...i need a job so bad..something that works with the kids schedule..otherwise i will just have to quit when summer hits..and i dont want to do that...It is very frustrating...i know if i were working i could be carving out a nice little life for us...something comfortable...and maybe even a little in savings...but so far, no...if that back room was done i could get this house licensed for daycare...but the stupid roof still leaks...no surprise there, itsnot the only spot in the house that leaks...

its officially one week yesterday since my divorce was granted....it is a great feeling...I had one day of really being down on myself for it all...but not because i miss it, just because its the end of something that once meant alot to me...and something that gave me 4 great boys...its time to move foreward...and i am excited to see where that takes me...

i am missing nick pretty bad the last couple of days...i think its just because its getting closer to the end of deployment, so im feeling the need to have him home more...and i feel free to really be "out" about him, not that we werent out before, but its different now...and i want to celebrate that...i need to...its been long distance long enough, and im ready...i was so nervous about it for a long time...im so use to being alone...even in my marriage i was alone most of the time...and for the last 3 years, i really have been...its going to be a huge change,but one i will enjoy...

They have been keeping Nick pretty busy lately...long shifts now, stuff like that...soon they will be getting ready to leave! that will be a day to give a huge sigh of relief...i need it...he needs it...his parents need it...it will be wonderful!

1 comment:

Erin S. said...

I love you!! I get the 'whole' alone most of the time statement. I never know what to do when Dan decides to hang around me. (I mean he hangs around the kids non-stop...but I do so much alone!) I am afraid I'll be all: YOU"RE IN MY SPACE OLD MAN! Ha. I am sure you won't be that way w/ Nick. LOL

I will keep sending good thoughts your way and hopefully a job will open up soon. :-)