Thursday, May 28, 2009

9 days

Its been 9 days since i last blogged...

Things are going ok...I am dealing with some stuff, but part of it just cant be talked about here...emotionally im just spent...

Good news to start things out...Nick has been home for a week now..Things are great...we have just been enjoying our time together as a family...i know i dont have to send him back, but sometimes it seems as if i need to cram a bunch of stuff into his just hasnt completely hit me yet that he is home for more army, no more its time for us...i wonder when that will sink in?

The boys are so happy to have him home...they cant seem to get enough of him..

Last sunday we had his family was really great...i love his family...they are so wonderful and accepting...we had a blast...the boys got to play outside all day, it was perfect weather for it...nice and sunny in fact i got a sunburn that still hurts in some spots...after the reunion we went to his aunt and uncles farm, and spent the evening out stuff!!

yesterday we went and did some shopping around...we looked at tuxes and invitations...just to see what we needed to plan for...

today we went to his parents house for dinner...thats always nice...i enjoy being there..

So onto some stuff that isnt so fun...I talked to my mom seems my grandma has stage 4 cancer...not sure what they are gonna do about it we will see what more they have to say...i dont really know yet how to handle it emotionally, but at least i have Nick here...that helps

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A little update

fingers crossed Pictures, Images and Photos
This is me keeping my fingers crossed that there will be no more delay..At this point we are expecting Nick to leave Hawaii Wednesday night...This will bring him into town on Thursday night..I am trying hard to be excited, but im afraid once i do, his homecoming will be delayed again...

I cant wait to have him home..I am an emotional mess, on a rollercoaster of every emotion you can imagine...its been up and down for weeks now..i need for this to be done...

so hopefully we will get him home Thursday..

Sunday, May 17, 2009

engagement entry #1

... Pictures, Images and Photos

As i said in a previous blog i am seperating my blog a bit..i didnt want to start a whole new one, that is just too confusing...

At the end of last week my dress came in..yes i know its a year early, but we need to start early, for peace of mind and for ease on the bank account..My mom bought my dress...I was surprised...we had originally planned to split the cost..well her words were "i will help you with the cost" she swears up and down she didnt say, silly girl! im so grateful to her for doing it...

So yesterday was a great day..My mom, grandma, and Nicks mom all went to David's Bridal, and i tried on my dress, took some pictures, and hung out..i cant show pics of my dress, Nick might see! but i can show you pics of us at the shop..after going there, we all went to breakfast, and did some shopping...and we scoped out wedding is so great that the two families seem to get long..i love here is a picture of me and the girls!

Friday, May 15, 2009

delay delay delay

All week long we have been thinking Nick was gonna be here, and every time we got our hopes up, he was delayed again..because of one paper that someone couldn't get right....Am i whining? yeah, i am...ive been doing it all week...what is suppose to be a really exciting time is turning out to be very stressful..i know im not making it any better for him by being irritated...but im not irritated with him, im irritated with the situation..

so as of now, he is scheduled to be home Thursday, we will is my hope that he will..he has a family reunion, and its Memorial day weekend...he just needs to be here..The boys need him home as much as i do...they have been crazy emotional cuz nicks homecoming has come and gone, and no nick...

really have no updates besides that...its been a pretty boring

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mothers Day

Today was really nice..the boys let me lay in bed till 9...well, kinda, i told them to quiet went to Maple Island for a picnic, and let them play for about 5 hours..Mark and Bambi came with, it was a really nice day....Kinda chilly, but not too bad really...I didnt get anything of course, the boys are too young to do that, but its ok, im use to got lots of pictures on my myspace can check them out there..

a picture of Mark, Bambi, and kids

and here is all those precious little monsters! i mean angels

the day was a great one, would have been better if Nick had been home, but soon..i dont know yet what day he will be able to leave..but very soon!!

Saturday, May 9, 2009


Thursday, May 7, 2009

looking back

Its really hard to believe that this part of our journey is almost over...we have done this long distance thing for almost 3 years now, and its almost time to start down a new road...There was never a time i wondered if it would be better if we parted ways...Not once we actually got together...The road to get to that was a little bumpy...but we both held man, my best friend, has been so far from me for so long...this part of our lives is ending, and will be just a memory...I have so much respect for what he does, and who he is...The job he did was a hard one...a job i wouldn't honestly wish on most has its price to pay..its own burdens to carry..

I am so proud of my soldier boy...i can call him that one last time, because as of tomorrow he will be a civilian! This is a time in our lives filled with so much emotion, i cant even really begin do describe it...a part of me will miss it, but most of me is really really relieved to just have him home with us, where he belongs...No more long goodbyes...

as this part of our lives comes to an end, so many of you are just beginning...all i can say really is have faith, and be can do will do this..and you will come out stronger on the other side...this experience has changed has shown me patience i never knew i had...with my love so far away, i knew i had to be...people are gonna tell you its not worth it, move on, find someone who can give you their time...but im telling you, hold on to what you have, because a soldiers heart is like gold...priceless...

i would not have changed things, because in changing things, it would have made our relationship different...and we have a bond i wouldn't wish to ever change..

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

just some things

well we arent sure if Nick will be able to come home in 7 days or not...some paperwork is not completely done, and so that may delay his not happy about it, but what can you do? we have waited this long, whats a couple extra days...its just irritating is all..not really an inconvenience...just more waiting possibly..i want him home...end of that story..

so yesterday i was in such a bad mood...i feel sorry for anyone that might have crossed my path...i am not sure why i was so moody..i was fine when i got up, and dropped the kids at school...i went grocery shopping, and bam, the bad mood hit...its like it just slammed into me..i made a real effort to change my attitude, but it was stayed with me all day little thing after another just made it worse...but its funny, i look back at yesterday, and really there wasnt anything major.

I havent made up my mind what i am doing for mothers day yet...Its my weekend with the boys...i think i might try to plan a picnic at a local park or something...i dont know...I really want to do something like take the boys to a movie or something, but i cant this year :( I dont know yet what the weather is suppose to be like...but i guess a nice day at the park will be good...Last year was rainy and gloomy...

The last couple of weeks have been pretty rough on me...I am exhausted, and emotionally wore out...i dont know why...things are actually going pretty well...the only thing i can think of is that i miss Nick so much time as we have spent apart you would think i would be use to it, but this time around is really hard...i am anxious for him to come home...i just want for us to be able to finally start this life together..

so have i told my readers how much i hate being lied to? or how much i hate when someone tries to "pull the wool over my eyes"...when you ask someone a question and they dodge it, and think i dont notice pisses me off the not stupid...what is the hardest is i know the truth, and im so disappointed that people dont trust me enough to be honest with me...even if its something that will not a child...and it will come out eventually...seriously, being treated like that hurts me more then most other things...especially when its someone so close to me..

So i have been told that my ex is badmouthing me...i hope it makes him feel like a better man, because i just dont care anymore...go ahead and spread the lies...they will eat away at your soul like leaches sucking the life out of you...and sooner or later, they will catch up to you...have fun with that.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

my grandma

my grandma is having a biopsy today...if you read this keep her in your thoughts...they are thinking, light some candles, say some prayers...i need for her to be ok

Sunday, May 3, 2009

10 days

This weekend went by pretty fast..Friday i had the kids even though it wasn't my weekend. Their dad came to pick them up on Saturday afternoon. After they left i went into Kalamazoo and put in some more applications, then met up with my mom for dinner, and talked wedding. It was nice to get out of the house. I haven't really done that since Nick left.

Today i am doing absolutely nothing. I should be doing something, but i haven't gotten any sleep this weekend, and i am exhausted. Friday night i couldn't sleep, and last night I talked to Nick all night long. It was good to finally get some phone time with him. he has been so busy, and we have barely had time to catch up. So being tired is ok, cuz i got time with him.

10 more days till he comes home. These last couple weeks have just gone way too slow. I don't want him to be gone anymore. I need him here with me. It is time for us.

so i don't have anything really intelligent to say, i guess i will leave it at

Friday, May 1, 2009

A Beltane Prayer

Have a Blessed Beltane

by Patti Wigington

Bless, O threefold true and bountiful,
Myself, my spouse, my children.
Bless everything within my dwelling and in my possession,
Bless the kine and crops, the flocks and corn,
From Samhain Eve to Beltane Eve,
With goodly progress and gentle blessing,
From sea to sea, and every river mouth,
From wave to wave, and base of waterfall.

Be the Maiden, Mother, and Crone,
Taking possession of all to me belonging.
Be the Horned God, the Wild Spirit of the Forest,
Protecting me in truth and honor.
Satisfy my soul and shield my loved ones,
Blessing every thing and every one,
All my land and my surroundings.
Great gods who create and bring life to all, I ask for your blessings on this day of fire.