Saturday, December 19, 2009

Almost Christmas

We got our shopping done yesterday before i had to go to work.  It took us all day.  I guess we weren't as close to being done as we thought.  I wrapped some today, but i didn't feel like i even made a dent in what has to be done.  It wont get any closer to being done today.  Nick isn't feeling well, and im too tired now.

The house went up for auction December 17th.  im not sure if anyone bought it or not.  I am sure we will find out soon.  I don't know how they inform us of it all.  I told Denny that this time he needs to give me all the paperwork that comes his way, so that we aren't surprised about when we have to be out.  Hopefully we will have a house to rent in about a month.  We found one we really like.  we just have to contact them to see what it would take to get into it.

I haven't even received an apology for this situation he has put us in.  I don't understand that logic at all.  HIS house has lots of room, and is almost done, and i am having to start over.  I am in the angry stage of it all.  I am mad as hell, and i don't know how to handle it all.  I got what was most important out of the divorce, but he has pretty much taken everything else.  The business, and now the house.  at least with the house i felt things were even.  I don't even really understand how he could do it to his boys.  I think he figures i will give up, and the boys will come to live with him.  but.....he hasn't paid child support in a long time, he cant provide a stable environment, and he just lost this house for us.  I have to go to the friend of the court, and get permission to move them, even though he lost this house, and we cant live here anymore anyway.  its all very strange for me.

This well be the last Christmas in this house for my boys.  it makes me a little sad, but also a little relieved.  I think we need this.  but it feels like all the memories of their childhood are in this house, and i feel like i am leaving that all behind.  It breaks my heart.  around every corner hold memories, i hear their laughter in the living room.  I know there will be new memories made, of that i have no doubt.  its just really hard on me.  Im scared that rent and everything else will be too much for us.

anyway, on to other things.  I love my job.  i thought some of that bliss would wear off,  but it hasn't.  i really do like it.  last week i spent about 4-5 hours passing out coupons and fliers to local businesses to let them know that we are there now.  it helps that it is the type of company i believe in.  earth friendly, and well, the earth is my religion.  they make me feel appreciated too.  I always know when they like the job i am doing.  and it isn't like any other place i worked before.  the owners are amazing bosses.  i could see myself working there for a very long time.

the boys are excited for Santa clause.  they are so full of energy about it all.  And even though things are about to change, i think this will be one of the best Christmases yet.  not because of what we bought them, but because of the spirit of it all this year.  we are a happy family.  yes a stressed one right now, but they don't know that.  we are really enjoying the season.  they have been playing outside a lot more then they did in past winters.  its just been an all around great experience.  it helps that i have a job, it makes me feel so much more accomplished, and i feel like i am contributing.  this will be a bitter sweet holiday for sure.

its going to be very busy for us this time around.  Christmas eve we are going to my moms, then headed to nicks moms, then Christmas morning we open presents with the boys, then they go with their dad, and we head back to my moms, to open presents with the adults.  This year my family is getting together on Christmas eve like we use to when i was little.  i am excited about it.  My uncle Fred,and aunt Joannie will be here too!!! a first in a long time.  my cousin Jennifer and her family will be coming later.  i get to see her twice in one year.  i think that is amazing for sure!

new years eve we don't have the boys, so we are gonna try to go do something.  anything would be fine with me.  i haven't been out on new years eve in a long time.

well, time for a movie night with my monsters.  thanks for reading if you made it this far


BonnieW said...

Oh Tara. Your boys and you will ALWAYS have those memories, no matter where you are, that simply cannot be taken away.
I am SO happy that you love your job! I hope that you all get that house to rent!
Maybe soon you and Nick can look into buying a house especially since he's getting BAH. *hugs*

A.C. Fisher Aldag said...

Usually the bank buys it back during auction.