Saturday, December 26, 2009

a post holiday post

I hope everyone had a great holiday.  I love this time of year, not necesssarily for the holiday itself, but the energy people put out.  you can go into a store, or anywhere really, and feel the air around pulsing with it.  its a great feeling.  it gives me such a natural high.

Christmas was good to us.  we had a great time.  was very very busy.  thursday night we went to my moms to visit with family, then at about 10pm, we went to Nicks parents house to open gifts.. we got home about 1am i think.  and what do you know, but santa had already come to our house!  So of course we had to open the presents!  we were up till very late opening presents, and letting the kids play.  then the twins decided they needed to get up at 7am!  which means mommy only got about 3.5 hours of sleep!  I have pics i will have to post later, cuz my connection is stinky right now!  The boys were spoiled this year, but thats ok, its been a long time since we spent way too much money on them..lol..they went with their dad at noon on christmas day.  they didnt want to leave their new stuff behind, and i dont really blame them.

So i am blogging from work..naughty Tara...actually they dont mind.  ive got all the stuff done that i can do, so now im updating the world..lol..not that the world really cares, but a select few might.

So i have heard alot of talk about what is the right way and wrong way to celebrate this time of year, and honestly, people can have their opinions, but really....whose right is it to judge how we spend that time..My boys believe in Santa, he is magical, and i want that innocence in their hearts for as long as possible...too soon do they have to really know the real world. and personally, i think kids have to grow up way too fast..  so mine arent...do i celebrate it all for the same reason a christian does? nope..do i celebrate it the same way as a pagan does? nope.  we all make our own paths in this world, and i have chosen mine.  I am not naive about it all, this is just the way i chose life for us.

I forgot what it was like to be a working mom...well outside the home anyway.  Mentally i am exhausted.  but i feel so alive.  i feel more independant, and accomplished.  the owners have nothing but praise for me, and after living the way i did for so long, that feels good.  my confidence is boosted beyond belief.  i love this feeling.

So my house didnt sell at the auction last week, and now the bank is trying to work out a plan for us..this is the 2nd time he let it go into forclosure, and i cant handle it againg.  so after i talk to a lawyer about my options, we are going to make plans to move  i think.  I need stability for my boys. that is what is most important, and if i have to worry all the time that he isnt doing what he is suppose to with the house, then how can they have that stability.  they dont know what is going on, and i chose to keep it that way, but they do know that we will be moving, and that they will most likely be changing schools.  At this point, i feel like even if i lose my ass on this house, its better to just move on.  I am tired of someone always pulling the strings in my puppet of a life.  i cut the strings now.  i am even envisioning it happening, and will seal it in ritual tonight.

im so tired today, i can barely function.  i have 6 more hours of work, and i feel like im hanging on by a thread today.

I am sad that the holiday is over.  there is so much build up of excitement, then the day goes by so fast. 

This was the first time Nick and i got to spend the whole holiday together..it was wonderful, no deployments, and no hawaii.  i am so greatful for that.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Happy holidays! I'm glad you celebrate with Santa...there's something magical about that time in your childhood when you believe. :)

I'm also very happy that your confidence is boosted. It's exhausting working, but I can't imagine it any other way.

And, I hope the move goes well. I think you're 100% right that stability is what the kids need, even if it does mean leaving the school/town/home they've always known.

Sorry I'm bad at commenting, but I'm always reading!