The last few days have been a super emotional rollercoaster...Ive tried to be understanding, and grateful, and not say anything, but I am done. I cant do it.
In my quest to be a better mother I have apparently made someone very angry. In fact, I had the joy of being called a liar, and miss perfect.
Now, what I lied about..I will just lay it all out for you. I am not ashamed of it. After my ex husband and i separated, I let him mortgage the house the boys and I were living in. I trusted him to do right by the boys, so I said, ok. Right around the time the mortgage went through, the divorce stuff started, and I seen the mistake I had made. I was embarassed, and ashamed that I put myself in that situation. A situation that could possibly leave us without a home. In that time, i kept being told what i should and shouldnt do, by a very important person in my life. I felt like i just couldnt talk to this person about it, because they were being so judgemental. So basically I just agreed with everything they said, and it lead to a lie. I said the house was mine. It really was the biggest mistake i feel i have ever made.
well, during an arguement (caused by a wedding cake conversation), i got the joys of having that thrown back in my face. I have made some mistakes, and i dont always handle things the way i should. But i am not the same person i was 4 years ago. And i cant take back the fact that i wasnt honest about it. Apparently me apologizing just didnt mean anything. Not to mention the status of my house really was non of their business..
I dont understand why every aspect of my life has to be put under a microscope by someone who is suppose to stand by and just be there. Especially when this person is not perfect either
Well things have changed. I rarely drink, because I dont want to have my children grow up in that environment. I went through a time 4 years ago, where i partied a lot. i am over that. I am not that person anymore. I seen what it was doing to my life, so i changed it. Becuase i dont argue in front of my children i am "trying to be miss perfect"...i am working on being the best me i can be. and that makes some people very unhappy. i will not apologize for that.
I dont understand how me trying to better myself is such a letdown for this person.
the words thrown at me the other day cut as deep as any knife could, and i am done. it will not happen again, because i will not allow it. Stop asking questions that are none of your business.
I work 3 nights a week most weeks...and often weekends. so the time i have is for my children, and future husband. whome i rarely see these days because of our opposing schedules. i have a home to take care of, and 4 boys, and a job. it dosnt leave me with alot of time. I try to make plans with the boys and them, but i get turned down if it involves taking children. so unless the kids can come, most of the time i wont be able to go, and might possibly not be willing to. i will rarely find a babysitter just to go hang out. My time i get to spend as a mom is very important to me.
I am not changing back into the person i was before. That was a person that left me feeling very unhappy. My children, and future husband will come first. As it should :)
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2 years ago