Sunday, December 19, 2010

My Spirituality

I dont really know how many of you know that I am Pagan.  Been that way for a loooooong time.  Does that mean I know details of what every Pagan believes? Not a bit of it.  What I know is that I believe in the power of energy, the power of prayer (whatever the religion may be).  I believe in magic, and I believe that anything is possible.  I dont worship the devil.  Dont even believe in him.  I am still learning, I stopped trying for a while.  Some bad decisions derailed me, I dont know how to find that path that takes me back to where I need to be.

I have a problem.  I am lonely.  Not lonely in a sense of I am unhappy, or in terms of my husband.  Our relationship is fantastic.  Couldnt be better. 

I mean spiritually I am lost.  I feel like I havent been living the way my thoughts a beliefs follow.  I dont even know how to explain it really.  I dont have anyone around me that believes the same things.  I feel like I dont really have anyone to learn from.  I miss the gatherings, and the festivals.  I miss the fires, and the drumming, and the feeling of belonging.  I am a spiritual mess at this point, and I just dont know how to turn it around.

I just want to belong, and feel that spiritual peace I once felt.  I have lost it somehow.  I dont know how to even begin to get it back.

2 comments:

Suzi said...

Hi Tara, I know you don't know me and I'm sorry to bother you. I just read your post and felt bad for you. I will pray that the God of all creation will reveal himself to you. Perhaps if you feel that lost, it's because your current spirituality isn't working for you anymore. I know you probably think I'm crazy and I know you stated you didn't believe in God or the Devil for that matter but I am here to tell you that God truly does exist and He loves you! What would it hurt to explore that a little bit? I don't know. I'm sorry you feel as you do and will remember you in my prayers. God will show Himself to you if you dare to ask.

By the way, congrats on you marriage. I hope you are blessed with all the Lord has for you.

Paul Baterina said...

I believe in YOU. You will get it back. Being spiritual is amazing! I was lost for a long time. 24 years if anything. The feeling of it is incredible and I'm sure you know it too. Stay positive, and let your mind be at peace!