Monday, January 31, 2011

unsure

I always have a hard time knowing if I am doing the right thing when I take the chance of contacting my father.  There is only so much rejection that one person can pass out, and I have had my fill when it comes to him.  I dont know  him well enough to really have alot of bad things to say.  I just dont have alot of good things either. 

My children have never been considered his grandchildren, not as far as I know anyway.  He has only met them 1 time.  The 2nd time was suppose to be at my grandmothers funeral, but one of the boys ended up sick, and I had no one to watch him, so I had to stay home.  I didnt know her well either. 

My stepmom is always the one to contact me, I had tried a couple of times to send him an email, and only got one or two word replies, so I gave up.  The rejection is just too much for me..yeah, I have daddy issues...thanks dad.

Well, anyway....the boys have been asking alot of questions about him lately, and I dont really have all the answers for them.  I really dont know him, and he shows no interest in knowing my children, or me.  He has 2 other children, who I dont really know very well either.  And he has grandchildren.  He spends time with them, but not me or mine.  I have never really understood that.  Its something he has never explained to me.

I contacted my stepmom today.  I told her about the boys questions, gave her my new contact information, and asked her to please let me know next time they are near, so that my boys have a chance to meet him.  they were too young to remember the first time, and I would really like them to be able to form their own opinions about him.

They have maybe sent Christmas presents 1 time for the kids, they dont call, they dont write.  I am not even sure they know the kids birthdays. or even how old they are.  I can understand him not taking an interest in his adult daughter, ok maybe not really seems how I was his firstborn, but to ingore the fact that he has 4 grandkids he dosnt know just baffles me.  Its a concept I have never been able to grasp.  I really hope they do the right thing and come see them.  i think it is something the boys really need.

1 comment:

Erin S. said...

Just big (((TARA))) Hugs.

I might try having the boys actually each write him their own letter w/ their own questions.

Have you thought about inviting them over for dinner or something...I know it coudl be uncomfy for you, but they do deserve to know where they come from. It's a tough situation. I hope he is there for them...or at least tries to be.