I am feeling so much better about things lately. After almost a month of feeling like life was drowning me, I am starting to come up out of it. After writing it all down, and meditation, I finally found the source of what was causing so much of my internal discomfort. It all stems from one thing, and I internalized it too much, and added to it.
I wont go into too much detail, but someone in my life has really let me down. No, its not my husband. It is someone I am suppose to look up to, and admire. Part of who I get my personality from. So when that let down happened, that disappointment, I started to question myself, and if they were doing these things, then maybe I was wired that way as well. I took that, and just went with it, added to it, and dragged more feelings and emotions into it, until it was tearing me apart, and questioning every aspect of my life.
I have apologized to those who needed it, and cut those emotions that were making me feel like that. I am not that person, and I make this life what I want it to be. What others chose to do with their lives does not define me, or my relationship with my husband, or my children, and unless given good reason, I should not question that. I was having a hard time, I figured out the source, and corrected it..
I am completely disappointed by someone I should be looking up to. But, it is not my life, or my choices they are making, and so I chose to move on. I chose to not be a part of that. I chose Me, and my family that I am raising. Those choices they are making are no longer allowed to affect me. It is not my problem, and I refuse for it to be a problem for my family. It will no longer bring me down, and cause me to question every aspect of my life, and the people in it.